The stage contains a chair with a book on the floor beneath it. DEX faces the audience and takes imaginary items from an imaginary shelf, looks at them, then puts them back. SHEILA enters from stage left.
SHEILA: Hey Dex, what--oh.
DEX: Jesus, Sheila!
SHEILA: Wow, I'm, um, sorry . . .
DEX: I'm not wearing any pants!
SHEILA: I can see that . . .
Sheila collapses in hysterics. She points at Dex, holds her thumb and forefinger close together, points at Dex again, and continues laughing. MARIA enters from stage left.
MARIA: What's all the ruckus about--oh my god.
Maria points at Dex and begins laughing uncontrollably.
DEX: Oh come on, it's not that small!
SHEILA: (still laughing) Yeah, yeah it really is . . .
DEX: Oh, yeah? Well we'll see about that.
Dex removes an invisible penis pump from the imaginary shelf. He unwraps the cord, licks the tip, and inserts it into his urethra. He sets the pump on the ground and begins to pump. Sheila and Maria continue laughing.
COCK enters from stage right, crawling in between Dex's legs. He has a mad grin on his face. Upon seeing him Sheila and Maria stop laughing, mesmerized as Cock crawls on his hands and knees through Dex's legs.
DEX: Not bad, eh? Not laughing now, are you?
MARIA: Wow . . .
SHEILA: Yeah, that's . . . wow.
DEX: Yeah, that's right. You like that? Huh? Do you?
In between pumps Dex smacks Cock on the top of the head. Cock continues to grin and leers at Sheila and Maria, who smile and wave at him. Cock stands up pulls the tip of the invisible pump from his mouth.
COCK: Okay, enough of that.
DEX: What?
COCK: Forget it pal, you're dead weight. I'm splittin'.
DEX: Now hold on, you can't just--
COCK: C'mon.
Sheila and Maria hook their arms through Cock's and the trio begins to walk away.
DEX: But what am I supposed to do without you?
SHEILA: Read a book, braniac.
Sheila, Maria, and Cock exit stage left.
Dex begins to cry as we walks to the chair. He sits down, reaches underneath, and pulls out THE CORRECTIONS by Jonathan Franzen. He reads aloud in between sobs.
SHEILA: Hey Dex, what--oh.
DEX: Jesus, Sheila!
SHEILA: Wow, I'm, um, sorry . . .
DEX: I'm not wearing any pants!
SHEILA: I can see that . . .
Sheila collapses in hysterics. She points at Dex, holds her thumb and forefinger close together, points at Dex again, and continues laughing. MARIA enters from stage left.
MARIA: What's all the ruckus about--oh my god.
Maria points at Dex and begins laughing uncontrollably.
DEX: Oh come on, it's not that small!
SHEILA: (still laughing) Yeah, yeah it really is . . .
DEX: Oh, yeah? Well we'll see about that.
Dex removes an invisible penis pump from the imaginary shelf. He unwraps the cord, licks the tip, and inserts it into his urethra. He sets the pump on the ground and begins to pump. Sheila and Maria continue laughing.
COCK enters from stage right, crawling in between Dex's legs. He has a mad grin on his face. Upon seeing him Sheila and Maria stop laughing, mesmerized as Cock crawls on his hands and knees through Dex's legs.
DEX: Not bad, eh? Not laughing now, are you?
MARIA: Wow . . .
SHEILA: Yeah, that's . . . wow.
DEX: Yeah, that's right. You like that? Huh? Do you?
In between pumps Dex smacks Cock on the top of the head. Cock continues to grin and leers at Sheila and Maria, who smile and wave at him. Cock stands up pulls the tip of the invisible pump from his mouth.
COCK: Okay, enough of that.
DEX: What?
COCK: Forget it pal, you're dead weight. I'm splittin'.
DEX: Now hold on, you can't just--
COCK: C'mon.
Sheila and Maria hook their arms through Cock's and the trio begins to walk away.
DEX: But what am I supposed to do without you?
SHEILA: Read a book, braniac.
Sheila, Maria, and Cock exit stage left.
Dex begins to cry as we walks to the chair. He sits down, reaches underneath, and pulls out THE CORRECTIONS by Jonathan Franzen. He reads aloud in between sobs.
Fish sticks are scary. Or it may be that my mom psychologically damaged me as a kid by making me eat them.
Wait. That makes no sense. Yeah. They're just scary. Especially with ketchup. I hate my family.
/end transmission