rexall

Walking away is so difficult. I had this fantastic conversation with the pretty boy at school and gay jesus. And gay jesus summed it up quite well... "kt can flirt and make you think she wants you and only you... and then you leave and she doesn't care". pretty boy peter thinks that i'm all about him, we have a fantastic flirty relationship - he makes me smile and we have fun. he also likes to take care of me and make me smile cus he knows all the pressure i am under right now. so he is my comic relief, my noncommital breath of fresh air. but gay jesus summed it up... i learned this being a server and a bartender. you put on the pretty smile, laugh at all the right moments, say all the right things and get rewarded with more money or in the case of the men in my life, pretty words.

i fill their ego for a bit and they help me with mine. it's a beautiful thing. so i think tattooed has hit that stage. we can flirt and be cute through text messages but he doesn't deliver. i don't know his reasons, i don't know who hurt him, i don't know why he is so closed off - especially after internet stalking him. he's not as reserved as one might think! but this is what it will be. he will be like everyone else. cus i seriously can't handle the hurt to my heart that he is causing.

Anyway. Eff men. LOL

Have a student council dinner tonight and then a book release party in the official capacity of student council president. Go me. My days are so long. Yesterday I had 2 classes, 2 quizzes, the student luncheon and then a student council meeting. Oh and then an acupuncture treatment. 13 hours later I was home. FOREVER long. I don't have time for the bullshit from other people. Oh well. One day at a time.