i was doing fine all day. so good. had a soy chai, did some needling this morning in class, 3 hours spent with the professor i want to have a torrid love affair with and do in my head... then student council business, then clinic shift. then i guess around 3pm it all just started to slow down...
i started to feel drained. i started to get that heavy depressed feeling all over my whole body. i wanted to crawl into bed and hide. i want to crawl into someone's arms and just feel safe. he passed away at 2:50pm... i didn't even correlate the time to the depression. do you think the body knows even when you are not conscious of the meaning?
then more student council business. i have been super quiet for hours. i don't want to talk to anyone. i don't want to bother anyone. i am short tempered with everyone today - annoyed with everything. i am so sad my whole body hurts. i can't remember if i took a sleeping pill.... so i took another one. good thing it's early.
more school tomorrow and a billion hours of student council stuff to do. i need a vacation.
xoxox
sorry for being so fucking emo.
i started to feel drained. i started to get that heavy depressed feeling all over my whole body. i wanted to crawl into bed and hide. i want to crawl into someone's arms and just feel safe. he passed away at 2:50pm... i didn't even correlate the time to the depression. do you think the body knows even when you are not conscious of the meaning?
then more student council business. i have been super quiet for hours. i don't want to talk to anyone. i don't want to bother anyone. i am short tempered with everyone today - annoyed with everything. i am so sad my whole body hurts. i can't remember if i took a sleeping pill.... so i took another one. good thing it's early.
more school tomorrow and a billion hours of student council stuff to do. i need a vacation.
xoxox
sorry for being so fucking emo.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
flaker:
A body/mind/subconscious connection? You know, I would've said years ago that no, that's a goofy thought. Nowadays though, I've kinda started to realize that there is indeed some sort of connection. Maybe it doesn't even come out in obvious ways..but yeah. Hence the reason that depressed people get sick more so that non-depressed people. I think. I know that I was injured a bit ago..and I've noticed since then that my body will pretty much let me know more than I realized..if I listen. Anyway, enough hippie crap. Or emo crap. Or whatever. I'm glad that I can be somewhat amusing, that might be my "thing"..which works. I kinda just assume everyone is outta my league..for the most part. I've always said that there seems to be a really small part of the female popluation that is into my "look"...so really, with those numbers, the odds aren't in my favor. Of course, it makes me pretty excited when I find one of those rare chicks..as you can imagine. Much like my ole buddy Jack Burton's enemies....I'm looking for something special, and rare. Of course, when/if I don't find that special someone....well, also like my ole' buddy Jack Burton would say, "It's all in the reflexes"...Thanks for the compliment on the new profile pic...it's a few months old, but actually makes me appear to be a really happenin' dude...so that's kickass. Touch away!
fatkidlovescake:
just because you werent thinking about it, doesnt mean that your mind wasnt subconsciously dwelling on it. and i'm sorry that i cant be more sympathetic but i dont get sad over death...its just another part of life. not that i'm initially not sad i'll never see the person again. but its not something you can dwell on.