I seem to make these impressions on people. As calm and sedate as I see myself, others get a completely different perspective and take on me.
Seems I worry them, maybe frighten them.
I'm sitting in the control room waiting for the 10 O'Clock news to get ready to roll. It's the calm before the storm, no real work to do so I'm being productive and sitting at the counter behind the video switcher board playing computer Solitaire.
It was nice and quiet, and best of all solitary, some people even when the work is done look miffed when you're doing nothing but playing card games.
"Hey, we're paying you, try and look busy..."
But the serenity of the moment is broken when the new Director walks in followed by one of the new production assistants. He's somewhat more familiar, he goes to the same school I go to in Sanford. When he was first introduced, he didn't know who I really was. He's used to the Reverend Jynxx, for whom there are no piddlin' amount of stories about back at the school station. He'd only been told that this senior PA named Jeremy would be showing him the ropes. He walks around the corner as the Technical Director is starting with, "And this here is...."
"JYNXX!"
After about 5 minutes of shooting the shit, the TD comments,
"So I assume you've met already..."
So young Thomas, for that is the name I didn't bother mentioning, comes in, and having nothing to do in there (For he works on the floor and I'm Audio Op) proceeds to talk. We're viewing some footage on the preview screens about a local Chapel Hill boy who just aced his parents with a shotgun in the past week.
"I'd like to know what he was thinking," I think I hear from the Director.
Thomas shakes his head, "I don't think I ever want to know."
I think I'd like to know what makes him tick, I wonder what were the reasons, why would this clean cut kid terminate with extreme prejudice, and I say something to this effect.
A blank look is all I get in return, a preliminary to something along the lines of "Wh-ut?"
I try to expand on my thought.
"I find this and the people who can do this fascinating. How does one arrive at this conclusion? How do say two different people take the same basic information and arrive at two widely different outcomes. In general, how do different people take similar life circumstances, taught moral values and general experience, and using the same data arrive at such drastically different capabilities and seperate outcomes? One decides he or she can't kill while the other will go through with the decision to end another's life. I have taken tests and seen things which suggest I have a certain, say moral laxity, and similarities with known serial killer types, yet I take this and have never done any such thing, while others have gone on and further. I find the study of these people interesting, people and what they are capable of can be fascinating..."
I of course don't remember the entire conversation, but I thought I was getting rather deep. It HAS always made me wonder how these personalities are brought about, nature or nurture or a bit of both. Is one damned to fulfill a predestined programming or is it the environment or circumstances that help design these killing machines?
And as I sat there, almost expectantly, waiting for the next volley, rebuttal or possibly meaningful response, I get a long drawn out stare and the simple comment,
"Sometimes you frighten me."
Maybe I got a glazed look or something, maybe I hit a nerve or maybe he just didn't get it. A lot of people just don't.
Nevertheless,
*Sigh*
This is one of the reasons I don't talk as much around work. What seems to be taken as jest and fun in college situations and drunken discussion tends to make co-workers edgy.
You shoulda seen when I had to tell my boss the reason I needed the end of this month off was for a Pagan Gathering.
Best to let them wonder as opposed to confronting the reality.
Welcome to my world.
Wipe your feet please.....
Seems I worry them, maybe frighten them.
I'm sitting in the control room waiting for the 10 O'Clock news to get ready to roll. It's the calm before the storm, no real work to do so I'm being productive and sitting at the counter behind the video switcher board playing computer Solitaire.
It was nice and quiet, and best of all solitary, some people even when the work is done look miffed when you're doing nothing but playing card games.
"Hey, we're paying you, try and look busy..."
But the serenity of the moment is broken when the new Director walks in followed by one of the new production assistants. He's somewhat more familiar, he goes to the same school I go to in Sanford. When he was first introduced, he didn't know who I really was. He's used to the Reverend Jynxx, for whom there are no piddlin' amount of stories about back at the school station. He'd only been told that this senior PA named Jeremy would be showing him the ropes. He walks around the corner as the Technical Director is starting with, "And this here is...."
"JYNXX!"
After about 5 minutes of shooting the shit, the TD comments,
"So I assume you've met already..."
So young Thomas, for that is the name I didn't bother mentioning, comes in, and having nothing to do in there (For he works on the floor and I'm Audio Op) proceeds to talk. We're viewing some footage on the preview screens about a local Chapel Hill boy who just aced his parents with a shotgun in the past week.
"I'd like to know what he was thinking," I think I hear from the Director.
Thomas shakes his head, "I don't think I ever want to know."
I think I'd like to know what makes him tick, I wonder what were the reasons, why would this clean cut kid terminate with extreme prejudice, and I say something to this effect.
A blank look is all I get in return, a preliminary to something along the lines of "Wh-ut?"
I try to expand on my thought.
"I find this and the people who can do this fascinating. How does one arrive at this conclusion? How do say two different people take the same basic information and arrive at two widely different outcomes. In general, how do different people take similar life circumstances, taught moral values and general experience, and using the same data arrive at such drastically different capabilities and seperate outcomes? One decides he or she can't kill while the other will go through with the decision to end another's life. I have taken tests and seen things which suggest I have a certain, say moral laxity, and similarities with known serial killer types, yet I take this and have never done any such thing, while others have gone on and further. I find the study of these people interesting, people and what they are capable of can be fascinating..."
I of course don't remember the entire conversation, but I thought I was getting rather deep. It HAS always made me wonder how these personalities are brought about, nature or nurture or a bit of both. Is one damned to fulfill a predestined programming or is it the environment or circumstances that help design these killing machines?
And as I sat there, almost expectantly, waiting for the next volley, rebuttal or possibly meaningful response, I get a long drawn out stare and the simple comment,
"Sometimes you frighten me."
Maybe I got a glazed look or something, maybe I hit a nerve or maybe he just didn't get it. A lot of people just don't.
Nevertheless,
*Sigh*
This is one of the reasons I don't talk as much around work. What seems to be taken as jest and fun in college situations and drunken discussion tends to make co-workers edgy.
You shoulda seen when I had to tell my boss the reason I needed the end of this month off was for a Pagan Gathering.
Best to let them wonder as opposed to confronting the reality.
Welcome to my world.
Wipe your feet please.....