Cute cashier at pizzeria close to work. After a few months of eating lunch there once or twice a week, always ordering the same thing and recently also being wished well on my way back to work. Left a note with my phone number on the counter when I picked up my food yesterday. She walked to an office, I guessed to get her phone, and I was hoping for a text saying "took you long enough" or really anything at all. She came back empty-handed and my heart sank. Well, maybe she's waiting until she gets off work. That's possible, let's hope for that. I finished eating and left. No "have a good day" for me.
Fuck.....
Large group of co-workers finally want to go to the same place for lunch and give me a hard time because I'm always trying to get people to go with. I had brought lunch from home for today and tomorrow. I told a single co-worker I can trust to keep things to himself about yesterday. After lunch, he felt the need to tell me that as they walked in, she was her usual pleasant self. Until a co-worker the others joke about her being interested in walked in the door. Huge smile, "hey guys!". They weren't just joking. They saw signals I never did. It's him she likes, and she has no interest in me.
Fuck..
I can't go there for lunch anymore. I could never look her in the eye after embarrassing myself, ignorant to the now-obvious truth of where I stand and my misinterpretation of her demeanor.
This is why I'm a pessimist. I don't bother with shit like this because I just expect the worst. Why create an opportunity to be rejected and deal another heavy blow to my already-dead self-esteem? I took a chance after a couple days of thinking about it and for some reason saw a positive outcome.
Fuck optimism. Optimism is often and quickly met with reality, and hopefulness makes all the bad feelings that reality brings far more intense