im tired of dreaming.
and you feel hopeless, and homeless
and lost in the haze
the airborne toxic event album has been my soundtrack of choice for this period of my life.
Nothing to do in this empty room
I gotta get my head together soon...
Wasted hours, all this wasted time
Yeah, I been just fine!...
And I wish I had the guts to scream
You know, things aren't always what they seem...
Oh, happy I will be alright I guess
If I wasn't such a mess
I'm such a mess.
Things have been unnaturally high and dangerously low the last couple of weeks. I feel I am slowly falling apart. On one of my lower days, with no online outlet to release my thoughts, I turned to actually writing down what I was feeling. My plan was to re-write what I wrote, but like most things I say in my ventings, I didn't feel exactly the same about them 4 days later. So, its now in the bin. Maybe this will end up there too? who knows. My plan is to take a break, sort my head out... and see where it takes me.
I just want some time to sit and think.
Its been go go go since big day out a couple of weekends ago. Last weekend I went with Rach and Em to the Hear and Now festival. We got there in time to catch regurgitator which was cool, then I got to see the Bang Gang DJ's and PNAU!!! pnau were awesome. Spiderbait and VanShe tech sucked arse. The crowd was so messy by the time we got there... hot and sweaty, wasted and just gross. And extremely patriotic.
I have no problem with patriotism and being proud of your country and being proud of being australian. I am proud of being australian and i love my country, but it doesnt give you a free pass to be a fucking racist with your stupid "I grew here, you flew here" etc shit. Its fucked. And it makes me sad that the world sees these violent, racist pigs bashing people for being coloured, or taunting people just because they may not of been born here, that they might not love australia as much as them. fuck that. it saddens me. it saddens me that people are so small minded to think these things are right. What if I decided to say, move to Japan or Sudan or India and make a life for myself there, to try something new, to see if there was more out there? I don't know the language, I don't know the culture and I wasnt born there but I am sure I would not be beaten up for trying to make a life somewhere else, and I am sure if any of these people beating people up here were to go overseas they would never face the same kind of things they force upon others here. It's all about respect.
I watched the news of Australia Day and saw footage of a man being naturalised. He was from an african country, and was wrongly imprisoned and tortured for 20 years in a war. He fled his country to have a new chance in Australia and I think it is awesome that our country can be a haven for people who are mistreated and hurt through conflict and are given a new chance at life. All I could think while watching this man's story was, I really hope he never gets targeted by these small minded people for not being "australian" enough. How horrible would that be? Thats the problem with violent people, they never find out the whole story before taking action. they never listen to the other side. and things arent always what they seem on the surface. a major fuck you to people tarnishing our image with your crap. grow up. there is nothing for you to prove.
ps. please take your australian flags off your cars... its nearly as bad as the franjipanni craze.
sometimes I wish there were more hours in the day. i like my couple of hours sit down after work, before bed... but apparently that doesnt fit into a healthy, social, active lifestyle.. In someway, I miss my hour drive home, just being by myself, listening to music and winding down from work. But I do enjoy being home earlier. We moved into a small unit, with a shower the size of a telephone box... maybe a bit smaller. it's nice tho, I think I will learn to call it home. Hopefully. It's seemed for the last while, home is just where my bed is. I'd like to feel like I am home. I dont think I am completely settled in Brisbane. I do miss the Coast... sometimes maybe I just miss my lifestyle on the coast, and I just have to find something like that again up here. So far it hasnt happened, but once again I am hopeful.
I have decided 2009 is the year to find myself. I am a little lost atm, actually I think i am stuck somewhere. I have been convinced to do some 12 Week challenge by Nicole, maybe it will give me something else to do. I guess I need to fill my time with activities. I wish they were less exercisey type activities but I guess I have to face up to the facts sometime hey? mehhhhhhhhh. Hopefully I stick with it.
Wow, I have written too much, and forgotten what else I wanted to write... so that means I am off.
ps. monkey business icecream is the best ever invented. banana and chocolate mmmm
pps. i am a cocktail experimenter now.
peas out
ttfn
and you feel hopeless, and homeless
and lost in the haze
the airborne toxic event album has been my soundtrack of choice for this period of my life.
Nothing to do in this empty room
I gotta get my head together soon...
Wasted hours, all this wasted time
Yeah, I been just fine!...
And I wish I had the guts to scream
You know, things aren't always what they seem...
Oh, happy I will be alright I guess
If I wasn't such a mess
I'm such a mess.
Things have been unnaturally high and dangerously low the last couple of weeks. I feel I am slowly falling apart. On one of my lower days, with no online outlet to release my thoughts, I turned to actually writing down what I was feeling. My plan was to re-write what I wrote, but like most things I say in my ventings, I didn't feel exactly the same about them 4 days later. So, its now in the bin. Maybe this will end up there too? who knows. My plan is to take a break, sort my head out... and see where it takes me.
I just want some time to sit and think.
Its been go go go since big day out a couple of weekends ago. Last weekend I went with Rach and Em to the Hear and Now festival. We got there in time to catch regurgitator which was cool, then I got to see the Bang Gang DJ's and PNAU!!! pnau were awesome. Spiderbait and VanShe tech sucked arse. The crowd was so messy by the time we got there... hot and sweaty, wasted and just gross. And extremely patriotic.
I have no problem with patriotism and being proud of your country and being proud of being australian. I am proud of being australian and i love my country, but it doesnt give you a free pass to be a fucking racist with your stupid "I grew here, you flew here" etc shit. Its fucked. And it makes me sad that the world sees these violent, racist pigs bashing people for being coloured, or taunting people just because they may not of been born here, that they might not love australia as much as them. fuck that. it saddens me. it saddens me that people are so small minded to think these things are right. What if I decided to say, move to Japan or Sudan or India and make a life for myself there, to try something new, to see if there was more out there? I don't know the language, I don't know the culture and I wasnt born there but I am sure I would not be beaten up for trying to make a life somewhere else, and I am sure if any of these people beating people up here were to go overseas they would never face the same kind of things they force upon others here. It's all about respect.
I watched the news of Australia Day and saw footage of a man being naturalised. He was from an african country, and was wrongly imprisoned and tortured for 20 years in a war. He fled his country to have a new chance in Australia and I think it is awesome that our country can be a haven for people who are mistreated and hurt through conflict and are given a new chance at life. All I could think while watching this man's story was, I really hope he never gets targeted by these small minded people for not being "australian" enough. How horrible would that be? Thats the problem with violent people, they never find out the whole story before taking action. they never listen to the other side. and things arent always what they seem on the surface. a major fuck you to people tarnishing our image with your crap. grow up. there is nothing for you to prove.
ps. please take your australian flags off your cars... its nearly as bad as the franjipanni craze.
sometimes I wish there were more hours in the day. i like my couple of hours sit down after work, before bed... but apparently that doesnt fit into a healthy, social, active lifestyle.
. In someway, I miss my hour drive home, just being by myself, listening to music and winding down from work. But I do enjoy being home earlier. We moved into a small unit, with a shower the size of a telephone box... maybe a bit smaller. it's nice tho, I think I will learn to call it home. Hopefully. It's seemed for the last while, home is just where my bed is. I'd like to feel like I am home. I dont think I am completely settled in Brisbane. I do miss the Coast... sometimes maybe I just miss my lifestyle on the coast, and I just have to find something like that again up here. So far it hasnt happened, but once again I am hopeful.
I have decided 2009 is the year to find myself. I am a little lost atm, actually I think i am stuck somewhere. I have been convinced to do some 12 Week challenge by Nicole, maybe it will give me something else to do. I guess I need to fill my time with activities. I wish they were less exercisey type activities but I guess I have to face up to the facts sometime hey? mehhhhhhhhh. Hopefully I stick with it.
Wow, I have written too much, and forgotten what else I wanted to write... so that means I am off.
ps. monkey business icecream is the best ever invented. banana and chocolate mmmm
pps. i am a cocktail experimenter now.
peas out
ttfn
If Nic is going to help you with the 12 weeks, I am sure you will stick to it. If I had to do it on my own, I would have no chance in hell.
Now I want some icecream, but that wouldn't be a good breakfast.
I can so see you being a florist.