resa

Do you know what drives me crazy? People who you think care about you, and who you think you care about just disappearing. It is really hard! I should know all about it because for the first time ever in my life I did it to not one but three people, and now it is being done to me. What goes around certainly comes around.

Maybe if it is so hard then you should just let it rest and give up? I hate walking away from people. I was doing what I thought I had to do at the time to make my relationship work.(I never wanted to do it, and now I'm paying for it big time) In the process I lost my relationship, and two friends who I used to think I was close to. Now I just think that maybe I never knew them at all.

I thought everything was going to be ok, between me and these people. Now they will not talk to me, and probably would rather forget I even exist. I am going to be ok. It will take a long time for me to get over all of this, and even longer before I settle down with someone new. I don't know if I'll ever completely be over things, but someday I'll be alright. I feel awful for what I did more than anything. I never thought any of them really cared about me and I pushed every single one of them away until now there are none of them left.

I bought a pack of cigarettes the other day. I started smoking a lil more than the occasional once every now and then while out drinking. I know it's disgusting but I've been so stressed, and I don't know what to do about anything. I cannot do anything I suppose.

I'm trying to move on from all of this so I can try to forget about it, and maybe eventually just be happy again. I'm going on an adventure to akron tonight. It's kinda secret as to why I am going but I'll talk to people later.