Despite being surrounded by people 80% of my day, I feel really alone. I dont think it has anything to do with where Im at, as much as whom Im with. When Im with my friends, its a little better, but in all reality they dont know whats going on in my head. And when I try to explain it they just shrug and tell me everything will be fine. But thats the thing. It doesnt feel like anything is going to be fine. This feeling of empty promises and slack emotions is so wearing on my soul. Hmm soul? Do I even have one anymore? I guess that depends more on how I want to define having one. I used to think a soul was with you all the time regardless of how you felt, or what was going on in your life. Now though Im just not sure. Is the fact that I can even have these feelings signs that I have a soul, or is it just electrical currents and chemical balances in my brain? Maybe Im not supposed to know for sure. It could be one of those things that you just have to believe in. And if it is, who is to say I have one or not, other than me? God this is so confusing. I wish I had someone to just sit and talk to. Someone that could actually understand what I meant by all this. Someone that maybe had some clue to how I feel and what I am going through. I though I had that person. At least it felt like I did, but now I dont know. Sometimes people look at me with this sense that they know me, but in all honestly, they dont have a clue. How could they, when I dont even know me anymore? I put up a wall of emotionless protection, but inside Im a word or touch away from breaking down to tears. I dont hide my feeling from people I care about, but staying strong when I feel my base crumbling is starting to make my walls weak.