renegadefuzz

so I'm working on overcoming Gran's death.. I think I'm handling it ok, but I'd really love to just be held right now... I dunno... I've been dealing with it, and pretending I'm Irish.. Last night we had a proper wake... it was a good time. I think tonight I might have a bit more to just keep me going.. I dunno.. it gets hard...
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So, grandma died. I was in the hospital when they took her off the respirator and she passed away. We had to wear little gown things and gloves due to the blood poisoning. Afterwards we pretty much had to scrub down hardcore. The entire time I kept staring at the TV channels on the wall to keep myself from crying.. I'd read it over and...
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My grandmother is dying. I'm going to Ohio. I don't know how long I'll be gone.

Yeah.. hiding in the attic again.. now mostly because I'm alone in this house and it has a lot of voices I think.... So many people have lived here that the house seems hollow when no one's around.. So I'm hiding from them in the attic... it's not working so well, but at least here I can talk to people online, right? Oh well...

I...
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so it's really fucking hot. I mean really hot. like I want to sit around sans clothes and just breathe. Attics do suck for this reason. Oh well. I chose the room, and now I love it. The way I see it, I'll lose weight just by sweating in the goddamn thing. Other than that the most exciting part of my day was burning my...
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So here's the most recent rundown of my life, which I seem to be taking back control of...

*I have my job, and with enough bitching, they actually gave me the 40 hrs a week that I demanded originally for me to stay over the summer, instead of just the 33 that they told me I had right before I went home for a while....
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Just a quick update before work... I've got the attic to myself this summer! Rock on! I'm excited. lol... anyway... gotta run to work.... dunno if I really want to or not, but at least now I'll get good money...

so now I'm permanently in St. Paul.. it feels sorta weird, but hey... what can you do, right? Oh well. I've got all my stuff, except I'm still room-less. Hopefully Amanda will get her shit organized (although I feel like she's going to take to the exact last day of her lease unlike everyone else who's moved out already). Again.. oh well... I'll just keep...
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Center on the wide horizon.
Focus on the galaxy.
Sweep away your expectations.
And recognise your enemies.

But here you're talking to yourself,
You're stripping off for someone else.
You've got to learn to love yourself,
It's all that counts; there's little else.

You're always looking for affection
And all its possibilities.
Your sense of searching for attention,
Emerging need of gravity.

I think you...
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So tonight is for painting. We've found a lovely shade of avocado (no shit) that we're going to paint the living room of DT. Why can't we use hunter green, or forrest green like normal folks? "It's too dark" *whine*. Right. Forget the fact that the walls are covered with light pictures, it has a giant walkway through one wall, and then the other has...
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