renegadefuzz

wee.. work again.. *whine whine whine, bitch bitch bitch*....

Yeah... so it's sorta annoying... life? Sometimes I honestly don't know how to handle it. I look at what has hurt me, what has haunted me... the bruises on the surface, the scars on my soul...

How does one work through this? Have a goal? A dream? My dreams commonly get stepped on. I have a new dream now... I've thought about things, and if I had my way, in the future I'm going to build a performing arts center... I'll teach voice and theatre, and maybe find someone to teach dance as well for me. Nothing fancy, it would be a non-profit org. I'll have to teach for a few years first, but for now it sounds like a worthy goal.

I've also decided I need passion in my life. The word has rolled around in my head for some time now, and I believe that is what I also want... a desire, a need. I've felt love before... was I loved? I don't know, but I know I've felt love. I want something more than that- deeper than that. Something that would sweep me off my feet, and make me never doubt again. This though.. unlike the arts center, I cannot work for, I cannot search for. Nothing like this can be pushed, it has to just happen (not that it will happen if I continue to hide in DT). But then I don't need it to happen now. I've had offers, I've even had some say things that downright scared me, but I've said no. I said before that I needed to spend some time with myself, and I shall- at least for the summer, no matter how lonely. My sisters provide me with fantastic company anyway...



***

another good song.. just heard it on the radio again after not hearing it for a while... and I actually smiled...

*

Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I've been here so long, I think that its time to move
The winters so cold, summer's over too soon
Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow

I've got some friends, some that I hardly know
But we've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

Swing life away [x4]

("Swing life away" - Rise Against)