renegadefuzz

Ramblings

pages flipping faster than
the mind can dare
try to read the words.
dusty images splash
color across the memories
that often times seem so far away
yet so close and dear.
It's never really the same
but when should it ever be?
People change, life changes
stoplights change, traffic changes.
One direction one way,
turn left and you're somewhere else.
The scenery passes by, and you can
take it just as that.
Just scenery that passes by.

One time I saw a sign on the side of the road.
It read: "You only pass this moment once, take your time."
At first glance I only saw a sign, but then
I realized that I would never see
that sign exactly the same way again.
It was a moment, and everything can change in a moment.

When it comes down to it, what really matters in life? Is it the journey? The destination? The experiences? What breaks down to the most important thing? I could hope and plan and strive for one thing to be so important in my life, but if I die tomorrow and I never get there, what happens then? Does my life account for nothing? What about if I just live, drowning in my own memories, never trying for anything more than to be what I used to be? Once happy, once secure, once loved, once successful. Again, if I die tomorrow do I want to know that I lived my last day wishing I were what I used to be? So that just leaves the wild reckless present. The thing that everyone says not to squander, but to make the most of. How do I know I'm making the most of it? I want to be places, I miss what used to be, and I want the most out of now. How do I succeed in keeping this all balanced? How do I honour the past, live the present and create the future? I guess tomorrow is another day for me to attempt it all, and just hope that I don't die in my sleep.

***

I find myself a slight bit torn. I have two things that I want. Two that I can't decide between. Not that I'm being egotistical, but I never thought I would have two to decide between. I thought those days were long past.. but I suppose not. So now that I have two to try to deal with (lord only knows how this might weigh out), it makes life even more interesting. Hell, I thought I was just having fun trying to figure out one, and now I have two games? Equally fun! The shiney or the pretty, I suppose that is the question. Both equally delicious, but which is the better? Hell, I'm not sure. I have no idea. Everyone just says to ride it out, but is that really fair? Do I have the right? I suppose at this timeI do... it's not like I'm anything, but still.. the thought still remains.

I must say though, for all the things I thought have gone wrong in my life, I'm having one hell of a time. And by that, I mean in the best of ways. I've thought about it and there isn't much more I could ask for. I have everything I really need. I have the best friends in the world, I couldn't ask for better. I have interests beyond what I have time for (in hobbies and other measures). I have two fantastic jobs that I enjoy, and I still have time to hang out and find new friends and adventures on an at least once a week basis. My family loves me and supports my dreams. It's brilliant, it honestly is. I love it.

I simply love it. I never know if I should live for the past, present or future.

But as for now, the past is the past, the future is yet to come, and the present is shit load of goodness. So I'm good.