renegadefuzz

today I feel crushed. I thought everything was going to work out. I thought I'd be able to get the money that I owe to the sorority and the money I need for formal. But no. Apparently the pay check that I'm supposed to have received on the 30th of last month (aka the first paycheck I've received in a *very* long time) isn't there. They have no idea where it is. I would have to check with payroll. Which means I won't get the paycheck for another two weeks. I don't have the money I need. I can't buy food. I can't buy the day to day things that I need and I can't afford to go to the one thing I've been looking forward to all semester. The one thing that I've been thinking about and wanting and waiting for since all of my crap has been going on. I don't know what to do. I have no one I could borrow money from, and I don't want to borrow money from anyone, because I've done enough of that. I knew I was going to have this paycheck and I knew it would be enough to cover what I need. And do I get it? No. Apparently not. Apparently I can't get anything right.

I can't get school right.
I can't get my job right.
I can't get my social life right.
I can't get my love life right.
I can't get my family life right.
I can't get my life right.

yeah.

This is me. Feeling like a failure.
Broken, depleted.
This is me. End of the rope.
I've tried, I've failed.
I've found the end of the game
and there is no prize.
Game over. If there were
a time to back out gracefully,
hit the end button, and move on,
I've missed that train too.
I've had days off and
on again. Today is the last one.
I don't know what to do from here
and I don't know how to pick
up. I thought I would survive
somehow, but things hit me worse
than I can bear.
This is me. Feeling like a failure.


I don't know what to think anymore