renegadefuzz

there are some times that I find
myself thinking of him. Sitting
on the porch, the heat of my
drink caressing my face, staring at
the cracks in the concrete. Slowly,
smoke from the cigarette drifts
towards the sky, a lit ash falls
lazily to the ground, and I
wonder. The blue paint is chipping
off of the old worn wood beneath
my feet. What is the world like
where he is? How different is
the passage of time for him?
A plane flies overhead, and in
the distance a dog begins to bark.
The wind picks up a bit and
slowly the night becomes a
little colder. Is it cold there?
The smell of hot brewed tea
and nicotine hangs heavily,
the only lightness found
in a hint of lemon. Clouds
are covering the moon tonight,
but the stars are visible. Remembering
standing under them once, feeling
warmer. Safer. Are the stars out
where he is? Can he look up to the
night sky and muse on life?
A light turns on across the street,
and the sound of laughter
comes out of the shadows.

does he ever think of me?

***

a cold dark corner, with fallen
leaves crinkling themselves
into oblivion. Shadows dance
merrily across concrete
edges, breaking the nonchalant
grey wall, holding the ground
from the road. metal post
signs buried deep in the ground
with a solitary spider plodding
along in the darkness. voices
drift in the night air, letting
me know that they're there.
Eyes shift to darker corners,
ignored, abandoned, disregarded.
Crawling deeper into thoughts
and different moods. Swings prove
often to be something of a
disease, nevermind the cold,
dark, disuse. be more like the
spider, just meander on. live
in the dark.

***

I'm in a mood again. Some aspects are failing, some are going great. I seem to have a lot of issues keeping one set path in my mind. I don't know how long I can handle all of this. Summer will be a welcomed and wanted escape. Currently my only escape is drinking or sleep. Both helpful at different times, both difficult in others. I guess I shouldn't ponder on these things while I'm down, but then again, when else will I ever really think about it that much?

I think I need a nap, but I also must write a 6 page paper. Things that I have to work out in the end I suppose.