renegadefuzz

status: feeling odd-- parts of me happy. parts of me not. slightly covered in paint.

part of me is happy.. got to hang out with my sis and her friends and have fun with that.. got to paint, and will be painting tomorrow as well. I also got to cuddle with my sis's friend Red, and she's a sweet heart. she's as touch crazy as I am, and it wasn't like it was anything sexual... she would just lean on me. It was nice. first bit of comfortable I've had in a while.

part of me is not... I'm not settled in Wisconsin anymore. it's not my home. It's no longer where I belong. But I don't really belong in the Cities either... so I realized I don't have a place. I don't want to be here very much longer, but I don't want to leave either.... I'm not sure what to do. But I do know that I'll be back in the Cities by New Years Eve

covered in paint.... I was painting my chiropractor's office tonight. horrendous colors, but still ... $100/room is $100/room. It'll give a bit of extra cash, so you know.. I can... well... buy groceries. hopefully mum will make me some homemade broccoli cheese soup to take back again. That's always so good.

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So I'm thinking a bit. About life- happiness, romance, sadness, depression, anger, responsibilities, culpabilities, and everything. I've become more and more introverted, I believe. I don't think there is a single person who actually knows what all is going on in my head. Not a single one who can identify everything. Sometimes I wonder if I even can identify it all myself. Do I supress my own emotions and feeling so much that I hide them from myself? I know.. I'm getting deep and depressing.... I should just quit.


I need a hug.