reneemarie

I keep missing him more and more because he made my mom not such a cunt. They got along really well and he liked her and talked to her a lot. I don't like talking to her, she always annoys and embarrasses me. Probably cuz she's my mom and that's what moms do. So now she's being all emo and annoying and depressed freaking out about the yard not being done. I'm like ok lady the yard isn't gonna fuckin go anywhere. So I have to help her do the work he didn't finish. That makes me hate him. I also feel like shit because all this happened the day after I got back. Like it's all my fault. My mom keeps trying to blame herself but this morning she came in when I was sleeping pretty much secretly trying to get me to say it was my fault. So I told her it was all my fault and I'm a shitty person. She fucking tries to guilt trip me all the fucking time I can play the same game. Except when I do it she runs off in a huff and get's all upset. I don't give a fuck. I wish I never had to come back from Seattle. I missed him so much. I missed my bed, my room, my bathroom, my car, my computer and the dogs.

On another note, she is forcing me to go to an AA meeting. Now this is just pointless. Everyone (well except her obviously) knows it's not gonna help unless you WANT and DECIDE for yourself to be here. I just went to their site and basically that's the first thing is says. One funny thing she did say is that when I go I can say Hi, my name is Rene and my mom thinks I'm an alcoholic. I think that's funny. I wish someone would fucking force Kenny to go to an AA meeting. I just need some kind of outlet to make my mom tolerable. I'm prescribed xanax. I wasn't when I was in Austin. She is the object of my fucking rage and irritableness. She said I either move out or go to AA. Well I'm broke as fuck after buying my new AWESOME laptop which I and my trip to Seattle. I'd love to move out. I'd still LOVE to move to Seattle. Be a few thousand miles away from her. Or maybe I should start doing crystal or coke or something. Too bad I'm allergic to opiates or I'd straight up do heroin. Ok no no JK. That's one thing I'd never fucking do even if I wasn't allergic. But I am in like the meth capitol of the world. And that would make me extremely productive to finish all this fucking yardwork he didn't finish.

I don't know. I had a lot of time to think about my life in Seattle and had sort of an epiphany about what I needed to do and change. I drank once in Seattle. Kenny really is a fucking alcoholic, and he's a crazy insane one. The only time I got crazy insane is when I got drunk with him. Fucking money. I have $2000 in a CD that matures in January but I won't touch it cuz if I close it early I'll lose half the interest. I'm going back to work next week, I'll beg to work everyday if I can and pick up anyones shifts. If I'm at work I'm not at home where this insane cunt is.

Ok I'm done for this vent. I know I'll be back for another one the next time I speak to this crazy broad.

So here's one picture of Seattle from the ferry, pretty decent for a cam phone pic