the difference between infirmed and healthy is ten-fold. without the icepick in my right eye gouging grey matter mercilessly, i have regained normality, or at least what passes for it at the moment.

in order to aviod another weekend cooped in the house, i took a road trip to Fayetteville to watch some college baseball. the games were great! getting out in the open air and cheering collectively got the blood going. on Saturday night I made it down to the local 'scene'. in the 5 years i've been away from there, not too much drastic changed had occurred. but within this past year, things are growing so much that i found myself almost lost trying to navigate the new roads, traffic signals, and buildings which have recently been build. i strolled through the numerous bars, taking in the changes. the night was cool and clear, so I ended up sitting outside having a few beers. surrounded by my thoughts and the night air, i took inventory of my current status.

physical health out of the way, now i must attend to my mental well-being. as of late the mind has been wallowing in reflection and a bit of self-pity. regrets of the past and what-ifs surface and litter the waves of synapses breaking in my ocean of consciousness. my certainy is change. i've been a creature of stability too long, and now its time for a storm to move in and cause a bit of chaos. this is not a desire but a necessity. the stagnation of my present situation has left me listless, and through struggle should i find my spark.

of course this is a measured change. i need some direction, some indication of a way to go. so i begin looking, hoping to find a sign of where i might go. this city really holds no significant anchor for me; i could, in truth, go anywhere, granted that i have a job and a place to live. my real catch is that i still want to be able to have my outlet, my passion - fencing. currently, there is nothing in this city and the solitude is eroding my skills. other than these few qualifications, i guess the next thing to do is start searching.

i will post milestones as they are passed.