relevantswitch

WARNING Read at your Own and My Own Risk (because) . . . in some respects this has become my own personal confessional.

I walk in from the street, dusting off the cold, removing my mask as I step into the warm confines of a dark closet sized room, pulling the curtains tight.

Forgive me whoever you are for I am lost:
My confidence is gone, I knew once that whatever I set my mind to I could achieve. Now I look in the mirror and see a tired old ugly man who left himself a long time ago. I didn't even see the old me leave.
I'm afraid, deeply terrified now of failure. I had a huge ego and some think I still do but maybe, just maybe it's a suit of armor I've been wearing as the inner me slowly died. I am scared to death of the future now and I have too much pride to ask someone to hold my hand.
I am struggling to understand how I've managed to find myself in my current situation. Confused, lost and broken are a few words I'd use. I used to have all the answers and now I've forgotten the important questions. I really can only blame myself. . . .
I have passed the depths of depression and now I find myself sliding into the comfortable glove of being numb. I think I'm losing myself for good.
I have spent a long time trying to be the nice guy, the one who cares about what other people think and feel at my own expense. I honestly have no idea what I like, or for that matter what I don't like. I just know that I'm not my own best friend and I have never been.

Thank You,

I stand, walk out of the closet put on the mask and prepare to meet my friend, the numbing cold.