relethed

things were looking up, then i found out i have a viral infection and laryngitis...so now things are just looking straight across.

my story is not shaping up. now i know why reverie is so appealing--because, in it, everything is just how we imagine it to be. whereas my screen-bound story is just...everything it really is.

i had an awful dream last night. i was sitting in my grandma's old house, with two of my college friends (they're fraternal-? boy & girl - twins). For some reason the woman twin had really warmed up to me, which was sending shivers up my spine. I thought, god, this can't be--i've had a crush on her for years. We kept hugging one another; i put my chin on her shoulder and held her close to me. we began to dance in the kitchen: i was self-conscious, because i'm not a good dancer, but she didn't seem to care. we were just content being together. we then got in the car to go somewhere, and she leaned over and kissed my lips. we started to kiss over and over, in the car. i could feel the nape of her neck; her hair, her shoulder blades.

then i woke up.

cynics will say this was a bad dream because i didn't get to sex. that didn't matter to me. what overjoyed me was the closeness, the intimacy and warmth between us, the simple gestures like dancing in a kitchen or that first kiss.

no, what made it a terrible dream was that it was a dream.