rejoicingpeasant

during the past eleven years, i've had countless people tell me that i'm the strongest person they've ever met.

that is such a presumptuous crock of shit.

i'm not fucking strong. i'm just angry. if i fucking swallowed a bottle of pills, that would make her the winner. i spend so much fuckin time pretending that my past was someone else's. i talk and joke about it like it's some kind of ironic tragedy.

i'm not fucking strong. but i'm tired of being treated like glass. for eight years, i was handcuffed to my bed every night on a regular basis. this does not make my bed more comfortable. this does not make me anymore grateful for what i now have. i'm not a fucking hero. i'm a goddamn child. i'm stunted and mutated. i'm filled with hate and anger and pain.

i'm terrified that i'll have a child one day, and i'll lash out on them because that's all i know.

i'm a flaw, and i have no reason to be here, other than the fact that if i do not triumph over this, she will be the victor.