redmess

i had been living in albuquerque for just a few days and i can't remember where exactly i was -either on the bus or out for coffee most likely- but i was talking to this woman about why i moved here and i couldn't come up with any practical reason that would satisfy any kind of conventionally minded person. fortunately she was not a conventionally minded person (hah, and even more fortunately, i have carved out a niche for myself where i rarely have to converse with the conventionally minded). anyways, this was me: "hhmmm, gosh. yeah, i was really just kinda drawn here, ya know?
and the woman looked me deep in the eyes, got real close, and said: "well, you know...people come to the desert to heal."




i've been here since november first. i'm just now starting to process the past year and a half since i left austin. i have shed every layer of skin (mostly in vancouver, but all down the west coast and a bit here in the desert, too) since then and am thus a new person. i was always an independent child but now i fear nothing. but it's not courage, just indifference. or carelessness. magic happens when you live so freely.






Rilke


[As once the winged energy of delight]


As once the winged energy of delight
carried you over childhood's dark abysses,
now beyond your own life build the great
arch of unimagined bridges.

Wonders happen if we can succeed
in passing through the harshest danger;
but only in a bright and purely granted
achievement can we realize the wonder.

To work with Things in the indescribable
relationship is not too hard for us;
the pattern grows more intricate and subtle,
and being swept along is not enough.

Take your practiced powers and stretch them out
until they span the chasm between two
contradictions...For the god
wants to know himself in you.


Translated by Stephen Mitchell