redmess

bah.
i'm in no mood for prose so please excuse this neanderthalic rant:
i lost my wallet. i lost my wallet (credit cards, cash, DL, student IDs) somewhere in between my house and the US consulate downtown. i was on my way to the US consulate to file a report on my missing passport. yeah.
i now have no photo identification of any kind. i'm 2000 mile from home, in another country with no photo id. BUT i do have my birth certificate and student visa. so all is not lost.
it will take at least 20 days to process my passport application once i submit a new one. they want me to bring photo id before i apply for a new one. tx won't send me one. my only hope is going to the DMV in BC and begging them to issue me an identification card.
my birthday is next friday. i had a lovely little trip planned to take the train to portland and hang out with the most awesome Thought_Police and enjoy a micro-brew for my 21st year. now that's all down the shitter because i have no photo id to cross the border.
i probably won't be able to have a guinness tomorrow for st. patty's because i have no id -not that i have anyone to enjoy it with.
my parents are so awesome. they wired me $200.00 to tide me over untill my replacement credit cards arrive. and the people at my bank were very helpful over the phone.
i've been walking back and forth across town in the rain so that i don't have to spend money on the bus. i'm at a point where i don't even care that the people who pass me on the street see me crying. i've never felt this close to understanding the crazy people you see on the street.
it's like if i just keep walking i'll be ok.
i miss my mom so much. i called her yesterday morning after i realized my wallet was gone. after my hysteric sobbing subsided i told my mom about how i feel so fucking torn between two lives. there is the part of me that is having so much fun pursuing a creative field, the part of me that wants to make movies, create, play, travel, etc. and there is the part of me that is so disgusted by humanity that i want to leave it all behind to find a quiet piece of land, grow my own food, homestead, and have a small herd of rescued dogs following me around in the morning while i gather eggs from the chicken coop, shovel goat shit, and pick wildflowers. tee hee. i'll wear one of those bonnets like in little house on the prairie and sing songs to my little flock of pups. there will be much frolicking in the sunshine. and i will have a walking stick. and a rocking chair on the porch. and i will whittle wood in my chair in the evenings with the dogs all tuckered out and sleeping at my feet. and it will be quiet except for the sound of the crickets. heh.
i am losing my shit in this asphalt jungle -hah! literally. maybe this is a sign. i'm not cut out to function in a society of man. the paperwork, traffic, exhaust, the waste, the laws and regulations.
but my mom said that i just have to find the middleground.
breathe.

i can't write any more. this pity party's making me fucken ill.