do you know that feeling where you just feel like you're in the wrong place, or just lost yourself altogether?
that would be me.
ottawa is a dull, dreary place... from what i've experienced. and over half the time, i feel that the people that i've met at the university are doing completely different things with their lives than i am. i see no drive, and no focus in their lives. i may come off as sounding condescending, but its not what i'm trying to be.
i feel that the people here have got no drive, and no passion.. and most of the ones i've met are just too immature and its not something i can deal with well. i try to, and i try really hard, but i end up just wanting to wring their necks. and what's more is that i almost feel like i've lost myself in all this. i havent been able to put my trust into anyone here over the past seven months, and when i have, i've only been fucked over. and to be honest, it's kind of ridiculously depressing.
theres so much more that i want to say, i just dont know how to word it properly. hopefully this is just a phase, and i'll settle better next year when i move off campus. i feel like i sound like a huge ball of doom and gloom.....i'm not like this usually, i swear. maybe i'm just lonely.
i've been doing everything in my power to get my mind off of ths shit. whether it be travelling downtown for a coffee by myself, or meeting new people... e.g. northstar. its really refreshing to meet people like her. i'm so sick of the same boring people who live here.
who the fuck knows anymore.
all i know is that i'm just all sorts of fucked up right now.
jesus h christ... i need some ground.
that would be me.
ottawa is a dull, dreary place... from what i've experienced. and over half the time, i feel that the people that i've met at the university are doing completely different things with their lives than i am. i see no drive, and no focus in their lives. i may come off as sounding condescending, but its not what i'm trying to be.
i feel that the people here have got no drive, and no passion.. and most of the ones i've met are just too immature and its not something i can deal with well. i try to, and i try really hard, but i end up just wanting to wring their necks. and what's more is that i almost feel like i've lost myself in all this. i havent been able to put my trust into anyone here over the past seven months, and when i have, i've only been fucked over. and to be honest, it's kind of ridiculously depressing.
theres so much more that i want to say, i just dont know how to word it properly. hopefully this is just a phase, and i'll settle better next year when i move off campus. i feel like i sound like a huge ball of doom and gloom.....i'm not like this usually, i swear. maybe i'm just lonely.
i've been doing everything in my power to get my mind off of ths shit. whether it be travelling downtown for a coffee by myself, or meeting new people... e.g. northstar. its really refreshing to meet people like her. i'm so sick of the same boring people who live here.
who the fuck knows anymore.
all i know is that i'm just all sorts of fucked up right now.
jesus h christ... i need some ground.
Ottawa is just kind of lame... I guess. Especially if you're not from here. I mean, if you want to go do downtown Ottawa, you have about five blocks of downtown and then you're done. It's not very fun....
The most fun I have right now in my life would be my weekly ritual of going for a coffee every saturday night and writing in my journal. It sounds pathetic, but as soon as I started doing it, I felt a lot better about myself. Yeah, still lonely as hell, but it's something fun to look forward to every week now.
Of course, I don't have any real drive or focus, so maybe I'm the wrong person to talk to. What is it you want to do?
Most university kids piss me off, because they're just high school kids with their first taste of freedom. They are going to school because they feel like they have to and not because they want to. They are going to become accountants or whatever because it's what's expected of them, and they can make money that way. They will mindlessly party like there's no tomorrow (unless there's an exam the next day, off course!) and when university is done they'll grab the nearest person, marry them, and then have kids and buy a house. Boring.
Not to harp on people who go to university, because I think university is great... it's just the majority of people there are like the majority of people everywhere else...
I don't have much idea on what I want to do, but I know it's not that. I'm hoping something works out when I do eventually take some college courses. I'm not doing something I don't have a passion for.
Passion is important, and I think it's hard to find intelligent, passionate people ANYWHERE. You and I didn't grow up here (I'm assuming you didn't based on what you've said) and so we don't have that group of high school friends who we experienced everything with. Trust is another thing most people simply do not deserve, I've been backstabbed many more times by people than I've actually made real friendships. Thing is, everyone gets so used to everyone else being shallow assholes that we begin to expect it, and eventually accept it, if we're not careful.
I'm on a solitude kick right now, so I'm not online much... but if you're up for talking, you can MSN or E-mail me. I think I know exactly how you feel, and am more than willing to listen.
I'm five years older than you, and still in the same spot, but don't let that discourage you. I still have faith that things will change!
it'll get better when spring hits.
im also usually available for tea with pretty ladies... even if they are from carleton.