You know what's silly? I get depressed watching movies with people falling in love. I get depressed reading books with people falling in love. I get depressed listening to love songs.
And this is just dumb. It's been long enough and none of this should matter. But it still does.
You know what's the worst? Seeing and talking to her in a way that brings up that feeling of connection that isn't really there anymore. It's like you are both playacting for a minute. Going through some old pattern that's gone but not forgotten. Old familier rhythms and movements that you've praticed so many times you don't even notice you are doing them, untill it's over. And then you go your seperate ways and it comes back to you that this isn't real anymore, and in lot of ways, was never what you thought it was in the first place.
And this is just dumb. It's been long enough and none of this should matter. But it still does.
You know what's the worst? Seeing and talking to her in a way that brings up that feeling of connection that isn't really there anymore. It's like you are both playacting for a minute. Going through some old pattern that's gone but not forgotten. Old familier rhythms and movements that you've praticed so many times you don't even notice you are doing them, untill it's over. And then you go your seperate ways and it comes back to you that this isn't real anymore, and in lot of ways, was never what you thought it was in the first place.
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-hugs-