recoveringmale

Having astigmatism in your eye is no fun at all. I have a few days off work now, and so it seems that this would be a good time to stop procrastinating and actually begin practicing all the things I always wanted to, to be all the things I aspire to be. I long to be further along this road, already set in my ways and stable. One or two days of brightness, of responsibility or creation, have usually been enough to content me for another few weeks of laziness... but to keep it up enough to make a habit of living as I wish I did... this I have never done. Fear of making progress, of success if you will, is at the heart of it. My ex said she never understood this; she was always more afraid to fail. I feel the opposite way. To leave my self-loathing, tendencies to self-sabotage, and obsession with being an utter disappointment to those who love me, has been my way for so long. Who am I to leave it now? Who am I to be happy?
I am listening to The Bends. I feel at a turning point. I wish it would rain.