I had a pretty interesting conversation with Cassi today at Shi-Sha. Basically, I told her what I have been thinking for the past few weeks...the shit from this fall is still on my mind. It's gotten worse again, even. To be honest - I think I never really got over it the first round and it's coming back to bother me some more.
I HATE to sound like a total Bitter Betty (Ryan's words - not my own), but I am lonely as fuck. It really bothers me that in my entire life I have never really had someone want to be with me. I could understand in high school when I was sick and huge. But it bothers me that every person I was close to used to tell me - "Just wait until you're in college and you have lost a few pounds. You'll knock 'em dead and find someone who really likes you." OK - HERE I AM. LOST 50 POUNDS. 3RD QUARTER OF COLLEGE! Now what?
It makes me feel like shit that the only people who have wanted anything to do with me have been drunk idiots. And one rapist - let's not forget that.
I get nervous walking by the Neil Building again - he lives there. I know that I am fine - and I know that a month ok, I felt completely over it and safe. But - it's getting to me again.
I don't know what to do about this - or if there is anything I can do. All I know for sure is that I have to stop feeling this way all the time.
I HATE to sound like a total Bitter Betty (Ryan's words - not my own), but I am lonely as fuck. It really bothers me that in my entire life I have never really had someone want to be with me. I could understand in high school when I was sick and huge. But it bothers me that every person I was close to used to tell me - "Just wait until you're in college and you have lost a few pounds. You'll knock 'em dead and find someone who really likes you." OK - HERE I AM. LOST 50 POUNDS. 3RD QUARTER OF COLLEGE! Now what?
It makes me feel like shit that the only people who have wanted anything to do with me have been drunk idiots. And one rapist - let's not forget that.
I get nervous walking by the Neil Building again - he lives there. I know that I am fine - and I know that a month ok, I felt completely over it and safe. But - it's getting to me again.
I don't know what to do about this - or if there is anything I can do. All I know for sure is that I have to stop feeling this way all the time.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
metaleric:
I'm sorry about those things. Life gets really lonely sometimes. I know how you feel. I just met someone I really like, but she lives 600 miles away. So now I'm lonely and missing her. Now what am I going to do? It never seems to get any easier. But someday it will all click, just takes time. 
sincitypunk:
HEY BABY YOU HAVE A SPECIAL FRIEND IN LAS VEGAS 