recidivi5t

Man it's been like a whole month since I last wrote in my journal here. Since then: I dyed my hair blue black again, and then almost immediately afterward, wound up in the mental ward at NY Presbyterian for 4 days. What the fuck!!!

I was so stressed at work for so long I had no idea how crazy and wound up I had become...like what was normal...and then after a close friend of mine died of a heroin overdose, pieces started cracking and falling out of my reality. I was just emotionally shot; I was sobbing like a baby and couldn't stop. My boss sent me home and that felt even worse, considering i'm like 31 yrs old.

my shrink was worried that i was going to do something stupid, so he recommended that i go to the ER. This kind of breakdown had never happened to me before, so I was totally frightened and stupidly, I followed his order. The next thing I know, the ER people sent me to the Psych ER, and I was being stripped, searched, and wound up in the looney bin for 4 days.

Luckily: I signed a voluntary form, so I could leave whenever I wanted w/ doctor approval.

Unluckily: the doctor I checked in with took the weekend off, so I spent last weekend with the droolers, in second hand pjs watching "The price is right".....once i resigned myself to the fact that i wasn't going anywhere soon, i actually wrote in my real journal, listened to music (friends brought my journal & walkman) and enjoyed the first vacation i've had in a long time. i'm a hell of a lot better now - i realized after seeing those poor people cooped up in there that i'm a lot more sane than i previously thought.

well, i finally had a valid reason to leave that job, i guess, so one plus came out of it.

and i've really gotten back into music full time which is
such a relief. it's amazing how far off of your road you can wander before you realize it...I should have quit that fucking job a year ago.