An Odd Release....
I was going to go to see the band Horror-Pops tonight...but I got called in for work at The Playhouse. As it's been slow for work right after rent day and I need a distraction from this huge list of guys who are chomping at the bit to get called for the big B.C. place call. Plus, I have to get the money to the T-shirt guy so that we ( the Union ) can get a pile of local shirts done before Madonna. It's amazing how, sitting and thinking work can actually be more fatiguing then " Real Worker " work. It will be nice to just be lugging around scenery and hanging drapes and lamps for a change.
I think all the dispatching work for this show has helped me turn a corner when it comes to speaking with women. Or, it's the show that I'm pushing ( it's amazing... women turn to jello and give me that," Little Kitty" begging for milk look with the mere mention of Madonna ) but, there's memory of this as well. My current devil may care openness to chatting up women reminds me of, Grade 12. When all the jocks' who teased me and my dorky theatre geek friends started all suddenly to be nice and civil. And all the aloof cheerleader girls asked me to take their photos for the school annual and had me promise I'd sign their books.
And I can only find in my head one common factor. The absence of my brother...? Back in high school, it was my brother who was the popular one. 2 years older than me, and one year ahead of me in H.S. ( due to the fact he was held back in grade 3 ) By the time I reached Junior high. We still looked so similar that teachers who found me in their class the year after my popular, outgoing, brother. Who sat at the front of the class. Was artistic and understood math. Figured me, the shy geeky one who hid at the back and kept quite. The stupid twin.
I might have walked the hallways alone or with my friends. but, he always shadowed me emotionally. One of the worst moments was in Computer Programming class ( I learnt Pascal by copying someone's program ) My brother was one of the guys who was always using the class during the free time workshops. And one pretty girls, I was interested in. A smart popular girl who kept asking him for help had a complete crush on him. But, I didn't see this past my big, thick goggle like glasses til the one day I worked up the courage to talk to her. Only to have her hand me a folded note and asked me to pass it on to my brother.
Finally, in grade 12 that shadow was gone, as he and his crowd was no longer filling the hallways ......And I feel that way, that strange release and sigh of relief. Which lasted all through College and when I went off touring. I was finally me without him around to predefine who me might be.
It came back after college, and when I stopped touring. In the last few years as I've walked around the city. Every now and then a strange woman or guy waves at me or smiles at my like they know me. And, I've always known that that person is probably one of my brother's friends.
But, thease last few days now that he's bailed on all of us for Germany. An odd release...
I went out last night to Sanctuary. And there this guy comes up to me and says... " hey, are you Andrew?" And I had to explain again that I'm not. But, soon that will be over.....
I was going to go to see the band Horror-Pops tonight...but I got called in for work at The Playhouse. As it's been slow for work right after rent day and I need a distraction from this huge list of guys who are chomping at the bit to get called for the big B.C. place call. Plus, I have to get the money to the T-shirt guy so that we ( the Union ) can get a pile of local shirts done before Madonna. It's amazing how, sitting and thinking work can actually be more fatiguing then " Real Worker " work. It will be nice to just be lugging around scenery and hanging drapes and lamps for a change.
I think all the dispatching work for this show has helped me turn a corner when it comes to speaking with women. Or, it's the show that I'm pushing ( it's amazing... women turn to jello and give me that," Little Kitty" begging for milk look with the mere mention of Madonna ) but, there's memory of this as well. My current devil may care openness to chatting up women reminds me of, Grade 12. When all the jocks' who teased me and my dorky theatre geek friends started all suddenly to be nice and civil. And all the aloof cheerleader girls asked me to take their photos for the school annual and had me promise I'd sign their books.
And I can only find in my head one common factor. The absence of my brother...? Back in high school, it was my brother who was the popular one. 2 years older than me, and one year ahead of me in H.S. ( due to the fact he was held back in grade 3 ) By the time I reached Junior high. We still looked so similar that teachers who found me in their class the year after my popular, outgoing, brother. Who sat at the front of the class. Was artistic and understood math. Figured me, the shy geeky one who hid at the back and kept quite. The stupid twin.
I might have walked the hallways alone or with my friends. but, he always shadowed me emotionally. One of the worst moments was in Computer Programming class ( I learnt Pascal by copying someone's program ) My brother was one of the guys who was always using the class during the free time workshops. And one pretty girls, I was interested in. A smart popular girl who kept asking him for help had a complete crush on him. But, I didn't see this past my big, thick goggle like glasses til the one day I worked up the courage to talk to her. Only to have her hand me a folded note and asked me to pass it on to my brother.
Finally, in grade 12 that shadow was gone, as he and his crowd was no longer filling the hallways ......And I feel that way, that strange release and sigh of relief. Which lasted all through College and when I went off touring. I was finally me without him around to predefine who me might be.
It came back after college, and when I stopped touring. In the last few years as I've walked around the city. Every now and then a strange woman or guy waves at me or smiles at my like they know me. And, I've always known that that person is probably one of my brother's friends.
But, thease last few days now that he's bailed on all of us for Germany. An odd release...
I went out last night to Sanctuary. And there this guy comes up to me and says... " hey, are you Andrew?" And I had to explain again that I'm not. But, soon that will be over.....
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Heheh ah the politics of family transplanted to the highschool scene, luckily I was never in high school when one of my brothers were in school, thus we were never in the same school toghether, mostly cause I failed enough grades to avoid starting highschool while my older brother was in his seniorish year (he also dropped out of highschool to start a comic book store, that I think helped as well) while my younger brother was young enough that I was out before we ever had to be in the same school as well.
Incidentally my older brother came from the unpopular crowd (the star wars nerds, comp geeks,) and transcended into the popular crowd (became a provincial gold winning weightlifter, had a hot GF, partier)- thus I found myself in a weird twighlight zone where people didnt know what the hell to expect from me and was also socially vettted at certain points (this also had to do with my sister who was in the same school and was in fact ahead of me because I had failed so many grades and was also wildly popular because she is hot and made almost the exact same transition as my older brother) which made highschool seem very weird compared to 6-9 where I pretty much had no friends in school.
At any rate I can understand somewhat what you are going through, even if I didnt experience these things directly through high school.