Jet Plane....
Well, Tomorrow my Brother leaves for Germany. To move in with his GF there... He just used my car to drive her to the Airport. I have never met this person. I think my parents just did... And by monday he'll be gone.
I'm really ambivialent about the whole thing. On one side, love him and I'm glad he's happy. As I know he hasn't been happy in his current relationship for some time. Honestly I don't know why he and my Sister in Law stayed together for so long. Living in that sort of, lack of love purgatory. Why anyone would put up with that on both sides, confuses me. Then again I have in comparison... no experience of what long term ,slowly dieing relationships are like.
I've been alone as I have, with the occasional sojourn into affairs ( short tern relationships ... fuck buddies etc....) for over 12 years. Or, I was deeply emersed inside a cheating lieing relationship. One where I was the sad, nieve, repeatedly abused one. Which when it first ended, made me think that the only escape of that painful period was jumping off the Granville Street bridge. Now, I have lots of female friends who hug me when we part. And I have really good solid long distance friendships with American woman. One of whom I've met. And another that I still wish to one day hang out with. And I have dreams... I'm glad I still at this day and age have dreams about lovely women.
I went and saw Jeanne Garofolo the other night.. to see a show and check out my favorite, smart, hot, Acerbic comediane. And all that night I enjoyed pretty Alt. women of all sexual orientations that surrounded me in the audience. As we gazed apon the one, the only, JG that we all coveted.
( funny, for the first time ever.. I hardly ever think about my X. I'm actually surprised when she comes to mind. Women who resemble her have probably been passing me in the street every day...As this town is full of williowy, Scottish redheads - But, I can't remember the last time I had that "Oh god... it's her... No... whew.. reflex" - That dry lump, copper taste in my mouth fear. I don't know it anymore. )
but, getting back to my brother. The other side of me is so annoyed as to how he's gone about the last year. All the lieing and Half truths he's been spewing to my Sister In Law. When he should have maned up last Feb and moved out... Couch surfed... lived with my parents.... anything.
Done the separation right and then made his physical escape. And, just saved my fellow family member the grief of this extened end of everything. It's just so cowardly and unmanly. And, along the way he's used me as well. My car , my signature for his passport. It makes me se him in a light that, well....bothers me. My older brothers been a true asshole. To a person I care about. And other than telling him. ( not that he'd listen... ) I can't do anything other than give my sister in law some sort of comfort.
Maybe our friendship ( my Brothers and mine ) will improve once he's on another continent. Maybe we'll all get the appology for all the dirty tricks. But, for all I know he's writen us all off, out of some sort of slight we did him over... years ago, who knows...But, as far as I'm concerned the balls in his court. I love and care about him. But,if all he's going to leave behind is, lies, unpaid car bills to my VW and my hurt Sister in Law. Let him restart everything.....
Well, Tomorrow my Brother leaves for Germany. To move in with his GF there... He just used my car to drive her to the Airport. I have never met this person. I think my parents just did... And by monday he'll be gone.
I'm really ambivialent about the whole thing. On one side, love him and I'm glad he's happy. As I know he hasn't been happy in his current relationship for some time. Honestly I don't know why he and my Sister in Law stayed together for so long. Living in that sort of, lack of love purgatory. Why anyone would put up with that on both sides, confuses me. Then again I have in comparison... no experience of what long term ,slowly dieing relationships are like.
I've been alone as I have, with the occasional sojourn into affairs ( short tern relationships ... fuck buddies etc....) for over 12 years. Or, I was deeply emersed inside a cheating lieing relationship. One where I was the sad, nieve, repeatedly abused one. Which when it first ended, made me think that the only escape of that painful period was jumping off the Granville Street bridge. Now, I have lots of female friends who hug me when we part. And I have really good solid long distance friendships with American woman. One of whom I've met. And another that I still wish to one day hang out with. And I have dreams... I'm glad I still at this day and age have dreams about lovely women.
I went and saw Jeanne Garofolo the other night.. to see a show and check out my favorite, smart, hot, Acerbic comediane. And all that night I enjoyed pretty Alt. women of all sexual orientations that surrounded me in the audience. As we gazed apon the one, the only, JG that we all coveted.
( funny, for the first time ever.. I hardly ever think about my X. I'm actually surprised when she comes to mind. Women who resemble her have probably been passing me in the street every day...As this town is full of williowy, Scottish redheads - But, I can't remember the last time I had that "Oh god... it's her... No... whew.. reflex" - That dry lump, copper taste in my mouth fear. I don't know it anymore. )
but, getting back to my brother. The other side of me is so annoyed as to how he's gone about the last year. All the lieing and Half truths he's been spewing to my Sister In Law. When he should have maned up last Feb and moved out... Couch surfed... lived with my parents.... anything.
Done the separation right and then made his physical escape. And, just saved my fellow family member the grief of this extened end of everything. It's just so cowardly and unmanly. And, along the way he's used me as well. My car , my signature for his passport. It makes me se him in a light that, well....bothers me. My older brothers been a true asshole. To a person I care about. And other than telling him. ( not that he'd listen... ) I can't do anything other than give my sister in law some sort of comfort.
Maybe our friendship ( my Brothers and mine ) will improve once he's on another continent. Maybe we'll all get the appology for all the dirty tricks. But, for all I know he's writen us all off, out of some sort of slight we did him over... years ago, who knows...But, as far as I'm concerned the balls in his court. I love and care about him. But,if all he's going to leave behind is, lies, unpaid car bills to my VW and my hurt Sister in Law. Let him restart everything.....