So the past few weeks have been mounting frustration working under a 23 year old "head coach" who is in no way worthy of the title. If I'd known he was going to be hired, I wouldn't have stepped aside. It's frustrating listening to someone who thinks he knows it all make mistake after mistake after mistake all the while talking about "his" team and what he wants. He uses the "I" word alot. The irony is that the old guy (me) has a much more progressive style of coaching and the young guy is straight out of drill instructor school. Fortunately, I suppose his hyper self absorption is a function of insecurity so I and the other coaches have been able to essentially control him. I've tried speaking with him before things got too bad, I've tried teaching him, I've tried along with the others to model the behavior that we prefer. Honestly, he's not a bad guy, but I do think he is insecure and trying to prove himself and from this comes his self absorption.
The real problem, in my opinion, is that he doesn't recognize where the kids are and he tries to get them to do things for which they aren't ready. And he yells or rather barks....alot. These are high schoolers and they are all good kids with a wide range of sailing talent. So we are teaching some how to sail while trying to challenge those who are already racing decently but still not succeeding in our very competitive region. As much as they like to think they know it all and can handle anything, they are much more fragile and require, again in my opinion, a calmer more positive approach that helps them develop the fundamental skills and then build upon those. Instead they've been getting complicated drills that aren't run well and devolve into a bunch of boats doing their own thing and not learning anything or improving their skill.
To say that this is frustrating is an understatement. So, we had a little blow out yesterday and I've essentially manipulated the practices since then. By which I mean that I'm acting as a moderator, setting the tone, involving all the coaches in decision making and demonstrating how a collaborative team effort that values each coach and each kid can be much more positive and productive. So, the past day and half have gone well. We'll see how long it lasts. More importantly we'll see if we can help the kids develop the confidence and competence they need. They are at the beginning of their sailing lives and so it's vital that we, the coaches, help them achieve their goals rather than worry about our personal agendas.
Which brings me to the end of life. I belong to a listserv for folks dedicated to a particular series of historical fiction. It's a large group of mostly older folks with time to parse the long series (21 books) and email, often overwhelming amounts, on any subject related or not to the series. Over the years many of us have become particularly close, but all of us feel a bond. We are a community of people some of whom we've met and others we have grown close to via the list with no actual face to face meeting.
One of our group, has for the past few years been going through the most difficult of journeys. He has been caring for the love of his life as she dies. They were high school sweethearts who knew early that they would be together always. They have spirit and have lived amazing lives of such closeness and humor and strength that they seem almost unreal in their happiness together. Whether racing cars, or riding horses, scaring away peeping toms, or killing snakes that killed their favorite horse, whether moving for the job and creating a new life in a new place or, in the end, agreeing not to take the other to the hospital, they have been idyllically together. Their's is the relationship that I have always wished to find.
And so the past few weeks, when it became clear to him that she had suffered yet another stroke and this one would be the final one, and when against his private nature he wrote a long letter, a plaint, that told us of his pain and of her suffering, we have been sitting vigil. We have offered our advice (hospice help), our prayers, our admiration, our love, we have waited for updates and read through tears the slow march.
This morning a simple message was sent, an obituary under the title "requiescit in pace", reached us and we mourn. We mourn a person whom we never met, but whose life has been relayed to us in wonderful stories. All around the world our group is collectively bowing our heads and holding out our arms to him as he lets her go. At the moment of her death, they were alone, holding hands in the sanctuary that he had created for her. She no longer resides in her mortal shell, but her spirit, indomnitable to the last is now unfettered. So we mourn her loss, but celebrate her life and our tangential experience of it.
I can only hope that each of us, each of you, all of the kids that we coach, can experience the love of life, and the love of each other that the two of them have enjoyed for over 50 years.
The real problem, in my opinion, is that he doesn't recognize where the kids are and he tries to get them to do things for which they aren't ready. And he yells or rather barks....alot. These are high schoolers and they are all good kids with a wide range of sailing talent. So we are teaching some how to sail while trying to challenge those who are already racing decently but still not succeeding in our very competitive region. As much as they like to think they know it all and can handle anything, they are much more fragile and require, again in my opinion, a calmer more positive approach that helps them develop the fundamental skills and then build upon those. Instead they've been getting complicated drills that aren't run well and devolve into a bunch of boats doing their own thing and not learning anything or improving their skill.
To say that this is frustrating is an understatement. So, we had a little blow out yesterday and I've essentially manipulated the practices since then. By which I mean that I'm acting as a moderator, setting the tone, involving all the coaches in decision making and demonstrating how a collaborative team effort that values each coach and each kid can be much more positive and productive. So, the past day and half have gone well. We'll see how long it lasts. More importantly we'll see if we can help the kids develop the confidence and competence they need. They are at the beginning of their sailing lives and so it's vital that we, the coaches, help them achieve their goals rather than worry about our personal agendas.
Which brings me to the end of life. I belong to a listserv for folks dedicated to a particular series of historical fiction. It's a large group of mostly older folks with time to parse the long series (21 books) and email, often overwhelming amounts, on any subject related or not to the series. Over the years many of us have become particularly close, but all of us feel a bond. We are a community of people some of whom we've met and others we have grown close to via the list with no actual face to face meeting.
One of our group, has for the past few years been going through the most difficult of journeys. He has been caring for the love of his life as she dies. They were high school sweethearts who knew early that they would be together always. They have spirit and have lived amazing lives of such closeness and humor and strength that they seem almost unreal in their happiness together. Whether racing cars, or riding horses, scaring away peeping toms, or killing snakes that killed their favorite horse, whether moving for the job and creating a new life in a new place or, in the end, agreeing not to take the other to the hospital, they have been idyllically together. Their's is the relationship that I have always wished to find.
And so the past few weeks, when it became clear to him that she had suffered yet another stroke and this one would be the final one, and when against his private nature he wrote a long letter, a plaint, that told us of his pain and of her suffering, we have been sitting vigil. We have offered our advice (hospice help), our prayers, our admiration, our love, we have waited for updates and read through tears the slow march.
This morning a simple message was sent, an obituary under the title "requiescit in pace", reached us and we mourn. We mourn a person whom we never met, but whose life has been relayed to us in wonderful stories. All around the world our group is collectively bowing our heads and holding out our arms to him as he lets her go. At the moment of her death, they were alone, holding hands in the sanctuary that he had created for her. She no longer resides in her mortal shell, but her spirit, indomnitable to the last is now unfettered. So we mourn her loss, but celebrate her life and our tangential experience of it.
I can only hope that each of us, each of you, all of the kids that we coach, can experience the love of life, and the love of each other that the two of them have enjoyed for over 50 years.
I need to come back and read your blog! I'm heading out in a few mins Hope you're weell x