What a fucking day. Went up London to see the neurologist at St Barts hopsital to find out I was at the wrong fucking hopsital. I felt like the biggest twat in the world, I was meant to be at Royal London Hospital. Luckily there was a bus that went straight there from St Barts. So I ended up making it only a half an hour late. I had to wait for 2 hours anyway. Finally got to see the Doctor, who just thinks Im suffering from Anxiety but still booked me in for an MRI and ECG Scan.
So now I have to wait for the scans and see if anything comes up. I know it sounds crazy but I hope something does come up. Something that would give me a fucking answer to why I suddenly started freaking out and becoming obssesed with the thought of existints and fearing live itself. I was fine, and this year had just been one cunt of a mind fuck.
I've lost so much, so many people because of it. I've been freaking out, feeling trapped, losing my identity, my reality. And so much around me is changing and I'm just finding it so hard to adapt and accept the changes that are invitable and out of my control.
I need my identity back, my confidence, my dreams, my desire, my passion, my life.
So now I have to wait for the scans and see if anything comes up. I know it sounds crazy but I hope something does come up. Something that would give me a fucking answer to why I suddenly started freaking out and becoming obssesed with the thought of existints and fearing live itself. I was fine, and this year had just been one cunt of a mind fuck.
I've lost so much, so many people because of it. I've been freaking out, feeling trapped, losing my identity, my reality. And so much around me is changing and I'm just finding it so hard to adapt and accept the changes that are invitable and out of my control.
I need my identity back, my confidence, my dreams, my desire, my passion, my life.
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A close friend of mine suffers from similar fears. He's getting better thankfully, but he still has random panic attacks about it all. I know I dont know what its like, but I hope that you at least use your closet mates to lean on when you need them, cause I think thats the main thing that pulls my mate through. xx
Thank you for the compliment...you rae so sweet. And trust me, you don't want to see me on the wii fit all sweaty. ha ha
Hope you're having a good day.