razorshimmy

Why if every light is dark do I continue dancing?
Why if every light is dark do I continue dancing?
Why if every light is dark do I continue dancing?
Well, if it ain't finally a question that's worth answering?

So, wonder what I'm gonna do now. Dillemma, dillemma, chemicals and chemicals.
There was a time, when I thought I was interesting. I think it's...
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Back on my A-game, I think, feeling good about myself. Despite the fact that absolutely nothing is different, I somehow just suddenly feel better. Weird how that happens.

Living in the ghost world, always feeling like an observer. So, if I'm just an observer, who do I share these observations with?
I can only share them with myself, in the end, which is why I make long, aimless posts here. I'm essentially just processing this stuff that's in my head, and if, by some odd chance, another observer happens on it and cares...
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Well then, what would I be?
I'm wondering about growing up. People keep debating about whether it's this on-going process, but if that's the case, when does one cease being a boy and start being a man? Are the terms irrelevant? Is one a man or a woman from the moment that their born, regardless of their development? From the standards of what it means...
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So, here, at night, playing the game I play most often with people, when I'm up this late and drunk just enough, like this, I'm wondering: when I'm experiancing a moment a sweet and slow as this, that only lasts just a little while, is it worth it if there's no one else around to experiance it? The knee-jerk reaction is no, of course, but...
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I'm so terribly confused? Are we not still friends? Is there bitterness between us?
The fear, of change more than anything else, seems to drive a wedge so consistently between myself and the rest of the world. At the risk of sounding maudlin or, gods forbid, emo, I seem to exist in a place that isn't made for the likes of me. But I guess,...
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Finally, a little decent advice comes from a place I didn't expect. And I wondered before why I always keep asking the same questions to different people, even if it seems like I'm gonna get the same answer every single time. I always was bad at math. I forgot about variables, silly me. Anyway, for now, there is hope, and a generally more positive...
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Well now I'm just confused.
I say, never ask for anything, becuase you'll always get what you want, and it will never be what you expected.
So, now I'm in this funny little spot, which is where I ask to be, before I saw it being the place I would end up. There is no advice for me, nor is there a solution that will...
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You know, I keep thinking this is going to get better, but apparently I've pissed off someone who's in charge of things. Man, what a shitty couple of weeks...

Well, it just goes to show, you shouldn't say things can never get worse.
Why do I feel like I just wasted four years of my life?