Ahhhhh, I am NOT satisfied with tonight.
What the hell is it, anyway, that determines what makes us satisfied with any given day? Look at any person, reflecting on the end of their day, and what makes it what?
Most people would probably say, if stressed, that if the person was happy for most of the day, that would make it a good day, yes? But I feel this lacks real reflection. I've been happy for the most of many a day, and then, on reviewing it at it's end, become depressed. Absolutely despondent.
Now, no. I don't do this all the time. Those of you who want to claim me as a miserable bastard; write me off, no such luck. There are plenty of times where I just let it rest. I am a lucky man, after all, and lucky enough to be surrounded by wonderful people who bolster me. And constant paring down of their efforts in making me not convinced to end my wretched life would be insulting. Much of the time, I thank myself for their endless, and largely thankless efforts, and let it lay.
But lets be honest, most days are wasted on frivolous pursuits that would be better spent realizing a full, meaningful goal of some sort. Now, as much as I hate to admit it, much of middle America spends their time doing just this. Their whole life consists of creating a family and generating a full, provided life for that family. And it really is important that they do that. The world can't exist without it's own generating factors, like anything else, and basic, consistent, caring families create most of society. And society makes us who we are, as much as anything else.
Now, many of the people I interact with are looking for something beyond that. They want to find something beyond the ideal that society had set up for them, that is, in a large part, built into their whole sense of being. It's hard. If you want to make a real difference in the world, you have to define your world, first and foremost.
So, I did that. And when I look at the world, I feel like there's something lacking, for a lot of the people I love, or care about, or pay attention to, or just even find a little interesting. I feel like people get diverted from what they want to achieve, by the things they get convinced they should do. And I really am no different.
So I have a choice. I'm sure that, to anyone still reading this, it seems rambling and pointless, but that's exactly the point I'm trying to make. The struggle between doing what seems important and doing what makes the most sense is the difference between sense and nonsense. So I'm trying very hard to make sense of that nonsense. It's likely worthless. But it won't stop me trying.
I guess that's what makes me crazy.
What the hell is it, anyway, that determines what makes us satisfied with any given day? Look at any person, reflecting on the end of their day, and what makes it what?
Most people would probably say, if stressed, that if the person was happy for most of the day, that would make it a good day, yes? But I feel this lacks real reflection. I've been happy for the most of many a day, and then, on reviewing it at it's end, become depressed. Absolutely despondent.
Now, no. I don't do this all the time. Those of you who want to claim me as a miserable bastard; write me off, no such luck. There are plenty of times where I just let it rest. I am a lucky man, after all, and lucky enough to be surrounded by wonderful people who bolster me. And constant paring down of their efforts in making me not convinced to end my wretched life would be insulting. Much of the time, I thank myself for their endless, and largely thankless efforts, and let it lay.
But lets be honest, most days are wasted on frivolous pursuits that would be better spent realizing a full, meaningful goal of some sort. Now, as much as I hate to admit it, much of middle America spends their time doing just this. Their whole life consists of creating a family and generating a full, provided life for that family. And it really is important that they do that. The world can't exist without it's own generating factors, like anything else, and basic, consistent, caring families create most of society. And society makes us who we are, as much as anything else.
Now, many of the people I interact with are looking for something beyond that. They want to find something beyond the ideal that society had set up for them, that is, in a large part, built into their whole sense of being. It's hard. If you want to make a real difference in the world, you have to define your world, first and foremost.
So, I did that. And when I look at the world, I feel like there's something lacking, for a lot of the people I love, or care about, or pay attention to, or just even find a little interesting. I feel like people get diverted from what they want to achieve, by the things they get convinced they should do. And I really am no different.
So I have a choice. I'm sure that, to anyone still reading this, it seems rambling and pointless, but that's exactly the point I'm trying to make. The struggle between doing what seems important and doing what makes the most sense is the difference between sense and nonsense. So I'm trying very hard to make sense of that nonsense. It's likely worthless. But it won't stop me trying.
I guess that's what makes me crazy.