razorblade

Im not having such a good time lately. Im having serious self esteem issues and its really affecting my relationship. Idk whats wrong with me. I have never felt so bad about myself. Idk what to do. I can tell its really getting to the bf. No guy wants a girls that talks badly about herself all the time or that is soooo insecure she thinks he'd rather have someone else. Last night his dad took him too Hooters and he brought home a calender and it bothered me. Wtf! There is no way that should bother me. I was being completely ridiculous. Then some friends came over and one of the guys invited him to his bach party at a strip club that didnt have a no touching rule and I lost it and said if he goes he is not welcome back in our home. Im really not that kind of girl I never have been. Idk why I got so upset. Then he said he feels like im trying to control him and he is not happy. I never ever meant to be controling in anyway. I wouldnt want anyone to control me so I def dont wanna do it to anyone else. The sad part is I didnt realize I was. Its just that we have a child now and he needs to realize he cant do some of the things he used to. The baby comes first. Anyway I guess I need to do some serious work on my confidence before it ruins everything. I dont like the jealous person I have become.