razor13

fuckin' pain, and no relief in sight, my ex has caused my credit to crash and now i know what they mean when they say sticky divorces cuz' i lost my cool over breakfast with a lawyer and grabbed him and it wasn't pretty and didn't help, but i come from people that don't get along with lawyers, bankers, landlords, fascists, wardens, executioners and especially politicians. i am workin' on myself though and trying to mend all the physical damage i did, i am not a good choice for much lately, maybe kickball, but i am afraid i have developed some kind of performance anxiety, i think i might be a bad lay now, and i am afraid to gather empirical evidence to get a confirmation, if you know what i mean, so i have been doing crazy shit to replace the time that sexual relations used to take up and i think that it has only gotten worse, but i am not sure if i could withstand being called a bad lay right now, i think i might need a sex therapist, i know it sounds crazy, but i have never had such an anxiety in my life, evry sexual fantasy i had in my dreams turned into some wierd nightmare scenario where i was exposed or felt embarrassed. it was some bizarre shit and then i had to wake up and talk to a lawyer about how i am financially ruined and my ex is still tryin' to take more, is love so easily washed down the drain? is it karma? did i do somethin' so bad to someone elses heart that i deserved this? should i just give in to suggestion and go on some anti-depressant drug therapy bullshit i don't believe in in? or should i just take it out on the world in a crime spree? i am in a real state of turmoil, i am leaving right now to go make some guy that owes me money give me his car, i am tired of getting fucked, i'm getting hot before noon...