razor13

a misting rain instead of sunshine...a morning of hard work and heartbreak...a blown headgasket on the car and a crazed 19 yr. old bottle blonde that i am trying to share my cave with but she is intent on pushing buttons and being sarcastic....she wants to be a clothing designer now, but 3 months ago she wanted to be dead, she needs to make up her mind...this weather poses a threat to the crop and i have to make spray bottles with baking soda in the water to help stem the mold, i have to fish or barter for food, and i am late on rent for the trailer, so the crop means everything and the harvest is very much anticipated as a salvation of sorts....i am smoking some branches that broke off a week ago, it is premature but i need something to calm the nerves now...the other girl who shares the camp is very skilled in preparing fresh catch fish and has the best abalone technique i have ever seen, she is a skilled forester(splitting logs, chainsaw and axe, clearing blackberry and poison oak vines) she makes a helluva fire and has a ton of compassion...until she drinks, which she does often, and she blacks out and wants to climb trees and run off into the woods in the dark and bites and punches but has no recollection of it the next day....oh yeah, she always talks about how she wants to go up to some cops and and make them take her out by attacking them barehanded, thats her big plan whenever she is blacked out drunk, my favorite cheery subject...anyway, together we make this surrealistic three's company meets grizzly adams meets girl,interrupted....just a few more weeks....i miss the boardwalk at venice, not the one that is there now, but the one from my youth...the hustle, the smell, the sound, the oppourtunities,....i don't know where i will ever find a combination ever again like that....i also miss the lil' recording studio at my friends apt. on sunset and normandie, i have a few unfinished ideas that i need to get back there and work on....i need to get back out to nyc and get my ink finished and do some studio work with some people....i want to just quit and go hide in jamacia or hawaii or costa rica for a while...hide from the time that wieghs heavy, hide from the world that i didn't ever expect to even be a part of at this point....music keeps me alive, but it also haunts me like a dark spectre...all you can do is work it out in your head until you have what you want, but the industry part of it has always been hard for me...a penny for my song....at least niether of these broads litsens to the grateful dead, that would just send me over the edge....two years ago today i missed a flight to jfk and rescheduled the flight and my presence in the recording studio until the15th, because my wife(at the time) had her b-day on the 13th....i never made it and i have been on a downward spiral ever since that early sept. 2 years ago....i lost a lot of material and a 7 year relationship since then.....and now i live in a cave on a ridge above a misty sea near a pirate town, catching my food and living with a couple of madwomen, waiting on the change of season to make my next move....licking wounds and wounding licks......