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rayraythemanape

Member Since 2006

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Sunday Jan 29, 2012

Jan 29, 2012
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Teacher asked me to writing something short using the "Paranoid" as the goal I am writing about but never using the word itself... I wonder if I conveyed the concept?

Kevin wakes up late in the afternoon, his room stale and musky thick curtains block out the light. As he stirs his knife falls from under his pillow. His gun still lays there safe. He stands in his dark, dank room. His eyes not seeing a thing but through his careful placement everything is within easy reach if needs be. He finds his cigarette pack upon his milk create nightstand, followed by his lighter. He lights the first cigarette of his day, his day only because the new day doesnt follow till after hes slept. If going by the timetable of everyone else, his first cigarette of the day was one that carried over from 11:55pm or if you dont wish to count that as the first of the day, the first was at 12:13am while in the midst of making his report about the deep dark hole. He looks through his thick, blanket curtains and sees that the school across the street is in session. The kids still walking to class, he puts on his shades and observes his friends walking up his driveway. They have come for him. Hes safe. His door is locked, blocked and bolted. He listens and hears the knock at the front door, followed by his father greeting his friends. They pass friendly greetings back and forth. His name. Of course they are here for him. A familiar phrase. Go ahead and rattle his cage. Yes. Try and get me. The knock at his door. The towel under it keeps them from knowing if hes awake or asleep, if hes smoking or dead. Kevin grabs his sword.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
alienheep:
I need to read it again when I'm not sick and more rested. I did notice a few misplaced/absent commas perhaps. tongue

Hahaha Comic seems to like it.
Jan 29, 2012
rayraythemanape:
Got my review back on this...

"This is well done, Jesse--a terrifying combination of delusion and everyday life. Good job of showing paranoia." LOL

Weirdest thing?

I didn't exaggerate him at all!
Feb 5, 2012

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