rawrkittymeow

Started reading I Am Legend, the book. I'm only a couple pages in, yet I can't stay focused, on anything. My brain keeps shifting back to the fact that I want to just go somewhere. I'm stuck at home a majority of the time and when I am out, I am doing things I NEED to be doing, not that I want to be doing. I guess that is what happens when you decide to fall in love TWICE and have babies only to be left behind.

I mean seriously? What am I missing? Other than a car and a license I have so much love to offer. Now the end result is two beautiful daughters and I'm living off welfare. I mean, I am working towards school and a career, I'm not ALWAYS sitting on my ass, but I never got the chance to LIVE. I decided to fall in love and have two babies with two different guys.

I don't want to regret. I dont want to feel as if I'm giving up on my children. I'm just so young and so unprepared, I wish they could have so much better. I just want time to be a kid. A chance I never got. & I decided to have a family instead.

What the fuck do I do now? I can't give up on them. Do I dump them off with their dads for a week to get all of this out of my system? Will that be enough time? Maybe I need someone to talk to. Maybe I shouldn't be sharing this at all. Maybe I can't type anything to make all of this go away.

Oh, dear me. I'm caught in such a turmoil.