That was an interesting night. Went with my boss to her Buddhist chanting group. She was going and asked me if I wanted to go, not because she wanted to suck me into it, but I think because she wanted company, and wanted to open up and see if I could wrap my head around what she has been trying to get in touch with. By the time we were leaving, it was almost like I was being dared to go, and I didn't want to offend by seeming like I had no interest, because that wasn't true.
They all felt it was really important to try and explain to me why I and all people should be doing what they do, which was strange, but not as offensive as I'd have thought.
More than anything else, it made me sort of miss the sprituality I used to feel pretty strongly about within my own religious background, that being Judaism. I guess I feel like most of the people who believe and practice so strongly in this group probably were not raised with a strong religious presence, or never connected in a solid way to it if they were.
I do not feel an empty void of spirituality and direction in my life, but I guess if I did, I could see throwing myself in to that wholeheartedly. As it is, it's mostly just made me happy I did grow up with that, and that I grew within it to still have some pretty strong and significant beliefs about people and the way they interract with each other, the world, and the general energy floating around the universe.
Also, possibly more intersting, following the meeting/practice, I went out with her for dinner and margaritas at a mexican joint (showing how seriously she takes the whole holistic groove), and we talked a lot about our feelings in regards to religion and upbringing and buddhism and judaism and more uniformly, just about out ideas in regards to how people work and live and experience life. I think we had a lot of ideas in common, and I definitely think it was a great experience to learn a lot about each other and discuss more than work.
It's too bad that the majority of people never get the chance to have that kind of experience with people they work with, especially not the person who actually hired and employs them directly. It's also a bummer that most people wouldn't even really want to have that experience, and that their bosses are so far away from them financially and politically that they could never actually connect personally, or that it wouldn't be appropriate.
This was a really significant event in my relationship with this person and company, and it allowed me to break down any of the few barriers that stand between us, and now I know that she really understands the way I feel about my career and general life goals, and where I want to go. When you know that the person you're workign for is ready and willing to discuss with you opinions and feelings about the energy inside and between people and places and the world, it's a surprisingly open door to talk about what you want to do in your job and career.
The funny thing is that at the end of last week (when the above-mentioned boss was takin the day off at home having a kind of personal life crisis day), I went out for drinks with the other partner that I work under, and also had a few great conversations which ended with me feeling like he really understood where I came from in my job and training, and what I can do in future, as well as breaking down any awkwardness in regards to my position at the company and the quality of work I've been doing. That was equally important in building some security.
I suppose it's also interesting that the night after that I went over to the third partner's house to hang out and play video games and drink and smoke, but I already knew I was in as good with that guy as I could be.
And then I spend Saturday and Sunday helping their Writing Producer set up for his Halloween party next weekend and was told he'd "make sure I always had a job with that company", regardless of whether or not he could actually promise that, and despite the fact that he said he "actually wouldn't neccessarilly wish that on his worst enemy".
All in all, for anyone who knows me and my legitimately crippling issues with security and feeling confident and safe in a situation of employment, they know that this has been one hell of a few days. I'm still freelance and I still have to make my own invoices and I'm still not really sure what title I'd give myself if I had to use this on a new resume, and I'm not making quite as much money as I probably could be making doing this, but I know that I'm appreciated, and I know I like the people who make up this company, and that's a pretty big deal for me.
-I need to come to terms with the fact that I might finally be pretty close to happy with this situation, and wrap my head around that enough to start worrying about what comes next. For too long, I've had problems commiting to pushing harder to get up to the next nevel, because I felt like there was no solid stableground beneath me to push up from, and I'd just wind up pushing away in both directions and wind up floating in the middle.
I'm finally feeling some ground start to form beneath my feet, and I'm starting to get ready to build on top of it to reach a bit higher.
Dave
They all felt it was really important to try and explain to me why I and all people should be doing what they do, which was strange, but not as offensive as I'd have thought.
More than anything else, it made me sort of miss the sprituality I used to feel pretty strongly about within my own religious background, that being Judaism. I guess I feel like most of the people who believe and practice so strongly in this group probably were not raised with a strong religious presence, or never connected in a solid way to it if they were.
I do not feel an empty void of spirituality and direction in my life, but I guess if I did, I could see throwing myself in to that wholeheartedly. As it is, it's mostly just made me happy I did grow up with that, and that I grew within it to still have some pretty strong and significant beliefs about people and the way they interract with each other, the world, and the general energy floating around the universe.
Also, possibly more intersting, following the meeting/practice, I went out with her for dinner and margaritas at a mexican joint (showing how seriously she takes the whole holistic groove), and we talked a lot about our feelings in regards to religion and upbringing and buddhism and judaism and more uniformly, just about out ideas in regards to how people work and live and experience life. I think we had a lot of ideas in common, and I definitely think it was a great experience to learn a lot about each other and discuss more than work.
It's too bad that the majority of people never get the chance to have that kind of experience with people they work with, especially not the person who actually hired and employs them directly. It's also a bummer that most people wouldn't even really want to have that experience, and that their bosses are so far away from them financially and politically that they could never actually connect personally, or that it wouldn't be appropriate.
This was a really significant event in my relationship with this person and company, and it allowed me to break down any of the few barriers that stand between us, and now I know that she really understands the way I feel about my career and general life goals, and where I want to go. When you know that the person you're workign for is ready and willing to discuss with you opinions and feelings about the energy inside and between people and places and the world, it's a surprisingly open door to talk about what you want to do in your job and career.
The funny thing is that at the end of last week (when the above-mentioned boss was takin the day off at home having a kind of personal life crisis day), I went out for drinks with the other partner that I work under, and also had a few great conversations which ended with me feeling like he really understood where I came from in my job and training, and what I can do in future, as well as breaking down any awkwardness in regards to my position at the company and the quality of work I've been doing. That was equally important in building some security.
I suppose it's also interesting that the night after that I went over to the third partner's house to hang out and play video games and drink and smoke, but I already knew I was in as good with that guy as I could be.
And then I spend Saturday and Sunday helping their Writing Producer set up for his Halloween party next weekend and was told he'd "make sure I always had a job with that company", regardless of whether or not he could actually promise that, and despite the fact that he said he "actually wouldn't neccessarilly wish that on his worst enemy".
All in all, for anyone who knows me and my legitimately crippling issues with security and feeling confident and safe in a situation of employment, they know that this has been one hell of a few days. I'm still freelance and I still have to make my own invoices and I'm still not really sure what title I'd give myself if I had to use this on a new resume, and I'm not making quite as much money as I probably could be making doing this, but I know that I'm appreciated, and I know I like the people who make up this company, and that's a pretty big deal for me.
-I need to come to terms with the fact that I might finally be pretty close to happy with this situation, and wrap my head around that enough to start worrying about what comes next. For too long, I've had problems commiting to pushing harder to get up to the next nevel, because I felt like there was no solid stableground beneath me to push up from, and I'd just wind up pushing away in both directions and wind up floating in the middle.
I'm finally feeling some ground start to form beneath my feet, and I'm starting to get ready to build on top of it to reach a bit higher.
Dave
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
obsidity:
Well, that janky connection shut me out again and I'm tired of it and i have stuff to do. But I'll chat with ya later....
obd:
there's one of those buddhist chanting studio type places right down the street from me. the noise really feaked me out until I figured out what it was.