ravgonfly

For awhile now I was planning on just letting my account here run out and not worry about this anymore but I have come to realize that I totally depend on this site. Which sounds horrible and I should probably run for the hills after having said it, but it gives me a place to babble on about all the shit that gets caught in my head and I get feedback from people who don't know me in an everyday life sort of way and it gives me a different viewpoint to work with. So you all are stuck with me...at least for another year...we'll see what happens after that.

I hate my job. I went in today even though I felt like crap and couldn't stop sneezing and coughing and one of the owners told me that I needed to put on some cheek color. After I had already fucking put makeup on because I knew the fucker was going to say something about me not having any on. I don't even wear blush when my mom wants me to, there's no way in hell I am doing it for him just cause he thinks he is better than everyone else. So he walked away and I started crying cause I was pissed off, sick, and didn't want to deal with the dipshit. The thing that makes me the most mad is that he's a guy, so he doens't have to wear makeup but he gets to go around and tell all us girls we need to put some on. I really don't like wearing makeup that much...at first it was because I didn't know how to put it on right and now it's just cause I find it annoying and I usually smear it or it gets in my eyes and irritates them. God it makes me so mad cause I did just nice natural looking eyes and because it didn't look like I had makeup on it automatically meant that I needed to put more on. Fuck that! I am not going to look like a clown because he wants me to. I'll find some place else to work that doens't require I look like a fucking china doll. GRRR I really hate him! So I am thinking I am gonna have to look for a new job cause this one is starting to cause me emotional distress and it isn't want I want to do with the rest of my life so fuck em. If only I hated the manager as much as the owners, then I could quit with a clean conscience, but she is a really good friend of mine so I would feel guilt. but we will see.

I'm moving this weekend. I can't wait to have more room but at the same time I am going to miss having my bro and sis around as much as I have. It's going to be weird not living with them. I'm sure I will get used to it...I'm just not positive I want to.

It amazes me the number of things I babble on and on about in my life that I never do...the places I claim to be moving to, the jobs I plan on having, the skills I plan on getting...I don't seem to do half the things I babble about...well that's not true it's more like a quarter...but it just seems like I don't follow through on my word and that's annoying...and makes me wonder if I should just stop babbling about it or if I should just start doing the things I say that I am going to.

1) what's the most random object in the room where you are sitting?
A:the funny thing is that when I looked around the room nothing in it seems to be random for me cause I know why all of it is here, but from an outsiders point of view I guess I will go with the creativity altar my sis has set up on her desk
2) Do you keep old keys for past cars or houses or whatever?
A: it's a bad habit I have but usually I go with the if I don't remember what it went to it gets pitched.
3) Do you think that there is just one reality that everyone exists in or does everyone exist in their own reality and just happen to bump up against each other?