Have you ever changed the mask you wear every day so often that you confuse yourself as to who is really behind it? You try to be so many different people for every situation that you find yourself in that you can't remember who the true you is.
There's a face for work, that isn't too intrusive...it allows you to go in, be nice to your coworkers, and get your job done, but you never really express the opinions that mean anything to you because you don't want to make your work environment more uncomfortable than it already is considering you hate it. So you slide the neutral good worker mask into place in order to make it through the day.
Then there's the mask you wear when hanging out with your friends, it changes from group to group of friends because some you can be closer to your true self and allow a glimmer of who you really are through and others you show them what they expect to see because you want them to like you and you don't want to scare them off with how intense of a person you really are.
I think the mask that gets closest to who you really are(or at least for me it seems this way) is the one you wear when you are with your family. You are allowed to be, do and say what you really want to because they are the people who are going to love you anyways. No matter if you disappoint them by having sex at too early of an age, or you piss them off by telling them they are full of shit, or make them sad when you allow yourself to get abused by someone who isn't worthy of your time, they are still there in the background loving you for being you. True there are some sides that you may not show them all of the time because it is easier on them if that don't have to know that part of you exists, but they are willing to except that you are complex and have various masks that slide into place when you need that sense of security to keep you going.
I guess the main thing is that I worry with all of my well-worn self-inflicted masks is that I don't know what my face looks like. I don't know what my feelings are on important issues, what it is I enjoy doing, what makes me happy, or what I need in my life to be content. And all of this scares me...Every once in awhile I get this glimpse of what path I am trying to be on to reach this seemingly unattainable happiness, but then I have to put on a different mask that changes my vision and I lose track of where to put my feet.
1) What have you been thinking about most today? And nothing is not an answer because you really can't think about nothing.
A: Where I am going and how the hell I am going to get there.
2) What's your least favorite chore to do?
A: I HATE cleaning the toilet. I will clean every other part but I hate doing the toilet.
3) What's new thing did you learn about yourself today?
A: I have freckles on my arm that make up constellations.
There's a face for work, that isn't too intrusive...it allows you to go in, be nice to your coworkers, and get your job done, but you never really express the opinions that mean anything to you because you don't want to make your work environment more uncomfortable than it already is considering you hate it. So you slide the neutral good worker mask into place in order to make it through the day.
Then there's the mask you wear when hanging out with your friends, it changes from group to group of friends because some you can be closer to your true self and allow a glimmer of who you really are through and others you show them what they expect to see because you want them to like you and you don't want to scare them off with how intense of a person you really are.
I think the mask that gets closest to who you really are(or at least for me it seems this way) is the one you wear when you are with your family. You are allowed to be, do and say what you really want to because they are the people who are going to love you anyways. No matter if you disappoint them by having sex at too early of an age, or you piss them off by telling them they are full of shit, or make them sad when you allow yourself to get abused by someone who isn't worthy of your time, they are still there in the background loving you for being you. True there are some sides that you may not show them all of the time because it is easier on them if that don't have to know that part of you exists, but they are willing to except that you are complex and have various masks that slide into place when you need that sense of security to keep you going.
I guess the main thing is that I worry with all of my well-worn self-inflicted masks is that I don't know what my face looks like. I don't know what my feelings are on important issues, what it is I enjoy doing, what makes me happy, or what I need in my life to be content. And all of this scares me...Every once in awhile I get this glimpse of what path I am trying to be on to reach this seemingly unattainable happiness, but then I have to put on a different mask that changes my vision and I lose track of where to put my feet.
1) What have you been thinking about most today? And nothing is not an answer because you really can't think about nothing.
A: Where I am going and how the hell I am going to get there.
2) What's your least favorite chore to do?
A: I HATE cleaning the toilet. I will clean every other part but I hate doing the toilet.
3) What's new thing did you learn about yourself today?
A: I have freckles on my arm that make up constellations.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
1. Stories… always thinkin’ about the stories.
2. I can’t stand grocery shopping. I’d rather go to the dentist than the grocery store.
3. Can I answer “nothing” for this one? Self-reflection doesn’t usually start until beer-thirty.
hope you are enjoying it.