PONDERISMS
>
> I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
> die of natural causes.
>
> Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
> removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes
> out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
>
> The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
> replacement.
>
> Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
>
> There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
>
> Life is sexually transmitted.
>
> Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
>
> The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
>
> Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you
> still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
>
> Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
> of nothing.
>
> Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
> talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
>
> Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
>
> All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
> to criticism.
>
> In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
> is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
>
> How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
> whole box to start a campfire?
>
>
> Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
> squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
>
> Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna
> eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
>
> Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
>
> If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
>
> Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
> point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
>
> Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are
> going to look up there anyway?
>
> If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
>
> If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
>
> Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
>
> Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
>
>
> Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
>
>
> I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
> die of natural causes.
>
> Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
> removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes
> out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
>
> The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
> replacement.
>
> Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
>
> There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
>
> Life is sexually transmitted.
>
> Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
>
> The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
>
> Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you
> still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
>
> Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
> of nothing.
>
> Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
> talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
>
> Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
>
> All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
> to criticism.
>
> In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
> is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
>
> How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
> whole box to start a campfire?
>
>
> Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
> squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
>
> Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna
> eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
>
> Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
>
> If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
>
> Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
> point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
>
> Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are
> going to look up there anyway?
>
> If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
>
> If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
>
> Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
>
> Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
>
>
> Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
>