raven999999

I cant stand this guy. I cant stand the way he speaks. He tries to make him self seem so smart and he looks too far in to every thing. And his voice, I cant stand his voice. Maybe it is because I am still bitter about Jessie but I dont know. I never had a problem with him until she got back with him. Damn it, why the fuck did she break up with me? And why the hell do I still love her? She doses not care one bit about me any more. I remember laying on her bed and talking and how sad she would get because she was thinking that if it dose fall apart that we will not be friends any more. We both agreed that we would not let that happen. I held up my end of the deal but she failed on her end. Gad damn I hate my life, and women and what they do to you. They fuck with your head then leave and let you figure it all out. Just BAM one day it hit me that she lost interest in me. It was just like a kid with a new toy. The kid loves it to death and then one day finds some thing else and the old is no longer good enough. I should have known it was coming but she lead me to believe me other wise. She was talking to him more and more towards the end and I never really thought any thing of it. She would go out with him some nights and come back to me crying her eyes out and tell me how unhappy she was. Fuck am I still bitter about that. She was the one who got me out of my shell. I was happy in my shell not trusting/caring about any one. I let my guard down for one person and look what happened. I was fine staying in all night every night. Not doing any thing on the weekends. I was fine with my life. Then she comes in to my life and shows me to a new light. And now I cant go back. I cant just stay in side all day long any more. I have to get out on the weekend, I have to get out and do some thing after so long of staring at this computer screen. I made some promises with her and now do I have to uphold them still? I am a man of my word but if she breaks hers dose that mean I still have to up hold mine? I just wish I could get that little white flash think like on MIB the one that can clear your mind, or like in a spotless mind. I wish I could forget all about her. I wish she never came in to my life. I wish I could start over. I think that is the real reason I have to move out of this state. I think that if I move out I will be able to forget about her. But I still miss her. It is funny how you want what you cant have. What the hell did I do? What the hell did I say? Did I offend her in some way? I dont know any more. I give up. There are so many things that remind me of her. Every time I hear the song Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd I think of the time we sat in my car at DQ talking. She made me put it on repeat and she would turn it up every time the part came on Were just two lost soles swimming in a fish bowl year after year

Fuck it. I fell like throwing in the towel, but the only thing stopping me is my word. The word I gave her on many times. My dad was never a man of his word and that is the last thing I want to be, I hate my father and I dont want to be like him. Damn it I hate my life.