oy.

spent three hours last night on my hands & knees looking for a shank.

(actually, not the ENTIRE 3 hours--maybe just the first hour--nonetheless, the on-my-hands&knees part seems most memorable)

thing was, when I got to work the word was that there was muttering in one of the units that a few hits had been handed down & snitches had come forward & snitched & during "yard" that day all the blacks & whites had clumped together in different parts of the yard.

so--I ended up crawling around on my hands & knees looking for a shank, thinking: this is my JOB?

I didn't find anything vaguely shank-like, & it got dark, & in the first part of my search the dude in the C.P. (Control Point--sort of a machine-gun nest that oversees the Yard) told me that I was doing it wrong because I was searching in the open areas of the yard as opposed to concentrating near well-defined landmarks. (actually, I was only looking in the Open Areas whilst going from landmark to landmark, & this kinda bugged me until I remembered that the guy in the C.P. is a Fucking Idiot.)

the night before there had been, apparently, a Riot in a (minimum) prison down south & there'd been a flurry of bed-moves to make room for Miscreants. ("Riot" is kind of a malleable term & can apply to anything from a couple of inmates bitching about the pudding to the slashin', sodomizin' & stabbin' that we all know & love from the movies--I'm not sure what EXACTLY went down, but from what I heard it was something to do with the phone, & 10 guys were shipped to us--the max in the state--& 8 were shipped to the hospital)
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in other news:

I went to SLC last week to see my friend V.

seemed like a good trip, except for a couple of bits that--not really knowing who-all reads this--I'll ask a bit of advice on when the time comes.

need to go to bed soon, so there's not much time for context, but:

I have this friend....

I met her a couple of months ago (altho subsequent conversations have turned up a few dozen people that we know in common, so it's probable our paths have crossed before)

anyway, the first night we hung out we ended up sleeping together.

(in the sense that we--well--went to sleep. together.)

I am, indeed, attracted to her, but she's a Dedicated Lesbian--anyway, that's not really part of it.

thing is--I really, really like sleeping with her. she's got this cuddly body & I wrap my arms around her & she tucks herself up against me & its just--groovy.

however--

the other night we were sleeping together & for the most part it was great: she was snuggled up against me & warm & wonderful--but:

I kept waking up & groping & squeezing.

thing is: I don't KNOW if I did, in fact, do any groping & squeezing. (I asked her about it the next day & she said she slept like a baby, & that if anything happened, she wasn't aware of it)

it's possible I dreamed it, but it kinda bothered me. I don't want to be THAT guy.

I also think too goddamn much.

anyway, the next night I slept over at another friends house, but the following night I slept in her bed & really really wanted to hold her, but couldn't

so we lay in bed & after a while we went to sleep, & in the morning she made me an omelette & coffee

I'll probably sleep with her again, but I probably won't be able to sleep as closely as we have until we just get it over with & have sex.

which is pretty dumb. nonetheless--

blah blah blah.

more later.