worked in the Infirmary last night, where I spent a good chunk of the night chatting with the young man in the suicide watch cell (a couple of days ago he'd tried to hang himself, which is actually a fairly uncommon thing in this particular prison, & almost never successful..altho even one successful hanging is, like, a real bummer--anyway, his neighbor heard him knocking against the wall & roused the officer--)
the reason he'd done it is one of those things that seem pretty dumb-ass in retrospect, viewed objectively, but you can kinda relate:
--"thing was, I found a tumor, an honest-to-God-fuckin-tumor. it took me like two weeks to talk to the doctor & he sorta poked at it & told me it was probably nothing. I told him that there's a history of it in my family & he says yeah, cancer happens. that was it. it got bigger . it took another 2 weeks to see him again & he's like, yeah, that's a tumor. & that was fucking it. bye bye. & I just got to thinking Nobody Cares. so why should I care, right?--it was benign, right? but your mind get's working down those particular dark by-ways &, fuck, right? seems pretty fucking stupid now tho, I was thinking--I got a little girl, 2 years old, that I haven't seen since she was a tiny little baby, & I was thinking about her momma telling her that her daddy offed himself in prison, when she's older, right?--talk a bout stacking the fuckin deck against her, right? fuck that!"
he'd just gotten his underwear back a couple of hours before I came on shift. there was a magic-markereed notice up outside the door saying "BOXERS & SUICIDE BLANKET OKAY-NO GLASSES" (he wears glasses)
"couple of weeks of not killing myself & they might let me have a magazine, right?" he said.
a good chunk of the night was also spent fucking with an officer at the front of the building with prank phone calls & what-not regarding a crush he shyly admitted towards another officer, a perky little blonde on Perimeter--including filling out & submitting a pyschological evaluation form playfully (& rather obscenely) re-written recommending said officer for 6 months in lock-down & possible chemical castration.
(this was done in concert with a nurse & another officer, & I admit that my own contributions to the merriment were minimal, aminly because the officer being tormented, it seems to me, has "disgruntled' written all over him, in really big letters &, well, these are difficult times we live in. but as long as it's not ME being screwed with---all is well, yo?)
the reason he'd done it is one of those things that seem pretty dumb-ass in retrospect, viewed objectively, but you can kinda relate:
--"thing was, I found a tumor, an honest-to-God-fuckin-tumor. it took me like two weeks to talk to the doctor & he sorta poked at it & told me it was probably nothing. I told him that there's a history of it in my family & he says yeah, cancer happens. that was it. it got bigger . it took another 2 weeks to see him again & he's like, yeah, that's a tumor. & that was fucking it. bye bye. & I just got to thinking Nobody Cares. so why should I care, right?--it was benign, right? but your mind get's working down those particular dark by-ways &, fuck, right? seems pretty fucking stupid now tho, I was thinking--I got a little girl, 2 years old, that I haven't seen since she was a tiny little baby, & I was thinking about her momma telling her that her daddy offed himself in prison, when she's older, right?--talk a bout stacking the fuckin deck against her, right? fuck that!"
he'd just gotten his underwear back a couple of hours before I came on shift. there was a magic-markereed notice up outside the door saying "BOXERS & SUICIDE BLANKET OKAY-NO GLASSES" (he wears glasses)
"couple of weeks of not killing myself & they might let me have a magazine, right?" he said.
a good chunk of the night was also spent fucking with an officer at the front of the building with prank phone calls & what-not regarding a crush he shyly admitted towards another officer, a perky little blonde on Perimeter--including filling out & submitting a pyschological evaluation form playfully (& rather obscenely) re-written recommending said officer for 6 months in lock-down & possible chemical castration.
(this was done in concert with a nurse & another officer, & I admit that my own contributions to the merriment were minimal, aminly because the officer being tormented, it seems to me, has "disgruntled' written all over him, in really big letters &, well, these are difficult times we live in. but as long as it's not ME being screwed with---all is well, yo?)
tororo:
Disgruntled, disgruntled...another word I can't find neither in my Oxford concise dictionary nor in my American thesaurus of Slang (rather outdated, I fear)..... nevertheless, it seems to sound strangely familiar. Like if it was self-explaining.