A lot (kinda) has happened this October.

I spent it in Switzerland, looking for a job. Although the pandemic and my lack of experience in the country left me empty-handed for now 😅. I chose to get back to my place in France, living at my uncle's, it was pretty hard not having too much freedom, with the stress, anxiety and lack of space.

Anyway, I went back just before the second lock down and I have "plans".

This time at my uncle's made me realize that I absolutely need my space to be able to cool-off mentally, as I'm a sponge to all that surrounds me, and it wears me off eventually. I intend to try to come back to Switzerland, it's a beautiful country! But with the knowledge of how it works there, up til now, I might try to do it slowly, with less involvement from myself (sounds weird I know).

With this in mind, I also realized I have to be my true self. My uncle has a very very different philosophy of life from me and I just shut myself up and started to lose the idea of "who is Raphaël? 🤔"

I want to live for me, I never did what I really wanted by fear or to not "bother" anyone, just to please them.

It's so dumb to have to say this, but I truly struggle with how people, especially my family, perceives me. At a point I wasn't really myself, almost ever. Of course it doesn't mean I intend not to adapt to anything or anyone. But I think this little voice inside of my head telling me "I want to do this, not that" should be better considered than what I'm used to.

Anyway, I gave myself a bad mohawk as it's lock down so whatever lol

I want to feel free from the guilt to be myself!

Gonna work my way up to a GOOD fucking year 2021!

Thanks SG for being the first community that don't make me feel ashamed! 💚💚💚