These days, when I come home, alone, I watch my phone every 2min to see if someone sent me a message. Anything. But all I see is my background and the time. The time passing by. Thinking about how alone I feel. Why is it like that? Why don't I even get an answer back most of the time? Even from my friends. Why does a conversation stops right in the middle? Often when I feel bad and am talking my heart out.
Then they come back after a while, and I ask them why do they let me alone? When I felt the worse? I promess myself to never trust their words. "we're here for you", "you're not alone", "we love you"... But it's all a circle. They reassure me, then they live their lives, and I end up alone again. With nothing forward but my obscure thoughts. Feeling empty, and full at the same time. Full of sadness, sorrows, anger, and exhaustion from this life that doesn't feel like it's mine. This life I can't control. Not even close enough to protect myself from the world. Everyday everything hurts, somehow. I have no idea how to get out of this mess called life. I can't face much more. And the only thing standing in front of my end is guilt and fear. But I only fear pain. It's just a matter of time before this pain keeping me alive starts to eat me from within.
In fact, it has already started
