I've been with my gf for a year and a half, and i've already been wondering things about us, but since we started as a long distance relationship, when she came back from Belgium in May, i was ready to break it up as i wasn't satisfied with the situation.. But we talked it through and she convinced me with really wise words that "we never had a real chance, seeing each other every other month or so isn't trying for real" and my heart just melted and i agreed.
I don't regret this at all, but this summer i really was in a weird situation.
At first it went great, this talk we had kind of "woke her up" about some things and she was way more open and it was amazing to me. But then between some parties with my friends, i met a girl, at first i didn't care since i was very happy with my gf, but she kept getting closer and closer to me, we ended up talking almost 24/7 the summer, and obviously there was something between us, an attraction.
I was torn because i couldn't do shit about it and she was so fucking my type (but somehow the opposite of my gf) she was more cocky, wilder etc.. Which is something that i love, and kind of stayed burried in me for a while since i've always been the nice guy. But now i crave for such adventure, sexually and literraly, to travel, discover, not worry about having to tell someone i'm here or there and with him her or them.
I was so tempted about that girl i had to cut ties with her, because she actually was pushing me to leave my gf.
But since she came back in France for me, we agreed to give a fair try to our relationship, i kept my words and in September we finally were able to live as a real couple, living at 5min from each over.
It was really amazing at first and i was happy and settled. But as time goes by, i started going out with my friends (most of the time with her) and i discovered that i "block" myself from a lot of stuff when she's here, and it sort of kill the fun for me. I encontered new people and talked, shared new ideas and thoughts, and i realised very recently that i, once again, crave for that freedom of being "the single guy". You know, the guys who doesn't worry about this or that, that just enjoys himself. I've envied this life style for a while, in fact since just a few months before i met my gf. But she is my first real gf, and i never had a sort of "wild period" like almost everyone i know that is know in a long-term relationship and that is fine in it.
I think i have to live this period, to know what it feels like and if this is what i want or if i want a regular relationship with the girl. But this means i have to break up, which i find very hard to do, even though all the things i said..
I've skipped some details, like the fact that i'm not entirely happy right now with her, as i'm stressed and anguised about my studies, but also this; i don't want to miss any opportunity that would make me think "fuck i should've jumped in" but i still don't want to cheat on my gf. She loves me way more than i love her. I don't really deserve that knowing all i feel, and i keep pushing her to be "happy on her own" in her work etc..
So.. Any advice ? (right now, i plan on breaking up with her on sunday, as i want to focus on other things and i know we won't end up together if i have my thoughts of being with other girls)
