Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

randomrockstar

Hell

Member Since 2005

Followers 79 Following 66

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Sunday Dec 04, 2005

Dec 3, 2005
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
The funniest shit I've heard in a while...it's funny because it's true...

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops...never mind, didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big ol' stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright, Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See, if he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know, I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out, no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning...okay...no problem. I thought for sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked, "So, is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said, "No, I'm delivering a bridge... here's your sign."

I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said, "Are you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign."

Anybody you know need a sign today?

The next time someone says something stupid ask them where their sign is.




And now...here's your sign...

Do not use while sleeping.
Sears hair dryer

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
Bag of Fritos

Use like regular soap.
Dial soap

Serving suggestion: Defrost.
Swann frozen dinner

Fits one head.
Shower cap box

Do not turn upside down.
Bottom of Tesco's Tiramisu dessert box

Product will be hot after heating.
Marks & Spencer bread pudding

Do not iron clothes on body.
Rowenta iron

Do not drive car or operate machinery.
Boot's children's cough medicine

Warning: May cause drowsiness.
Nytol

Warning: Keep out of children.
Korean kitchen knife

For indoor or outdoor use only.
Chinese Christmas lights

Not to be used for the other use.
Japanese food processor

Warning: Contains nuts.
Sainsbury's peanuts

Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
American Airlines peanut packet

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
Swedish chainsaw


skull Such a brave new world, that has such people in it... skull
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
mslion:
I love Bill Engvall. I think my favorite routine of his was the one about the Dorkfish. Heheh...i still giggle when I think about it biggrin
Dec 5, 2005
xxnecroxx:
Haha i have that on a cd somewhere
Dec 6, 2005

More Blogs

  • 07.23.07
    2

    Monday Jul 23, 2007

    Good god damn, I'm one of the most vain people I know.
  • 06.14.07
    1

    Friday Jun 15, 2007

    I don't want a pickle. I just wanna ride on my motorcycle.
  • 06.12.07
    2

    Tuesday Jun 12, 2007

    I'm so weird. I'm thinking about going out to ride my bike. I could…
  • 06.08.07
    2

    Friday Jun 08, 2007

    Ha! Paris Hilton got sent back to jail. Finally, some "justice". I…
  • 06.05.07
    4

    Tuesday Jun 05, 2007

    I've canceled my subscription today. I have until May 4, 2008 and my…
  • 05.10.07
    6

    Friday May 11, 2007

    I am now officially on vacation for 2 1/2 weeks. Dontcha love it? …
  • 05.06.07
    4

    Monday May 07, 2007

    And now for another 100 answers to 100 questions that no body asked..…
  • 04.04.07
    4

    Wednesday Apr 04, 2007

    Holy shit I've not been updating at all lately. I used to do like on…
  • 03.08.07
    3

    Friday Mar 09, 2007

    "100" 1. Made out for more than 3 minutes? Yes. 2. Slept in a d…
  • 03.03.07
    4

    Saturday Mar 03, 2007

    Should I stay or should I go? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da!

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
8
months
24
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,593 SuicideGirls
  • 1,123,254 followers
  • 14,911,541 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,369,823 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo