hmmph
I have that sinking feeling, that feeling i get whenever i want anything, and i'm not sure of the outcome...that shitty depressive self doubt...i hope i'm wrong, i really really hope i'm wrong.... i'm trying to be distant, to not press things, i haven't talked to her all day, she was distracted yesterday when i talked to her...it's so much...i just need to give it time, not jump into this, not rush it, let it evolve...
there's a reason i haven't had a real relationship in 3 years, because i'm just no good, no good at all. I'm attractive, sure, smart, yeah, but god i suck at dealing with anything people wise...
I'm not good enough, i know i'm not, i'm hoping for something that's impossible... If this doesn't work i'm done, i'll die alone, and that will be fine.
I'M SICK OF THIS
I'm tired of feeling hopeless and that i have no control over this. I haven't felt so much about someone in a long time...I'm 25...I'm getting that whole, need to move on with my life, i need to be something more then i am...i want my own place, with someone i love, i have a job i dont' mind, it pays well enough...i just want to be happy...like everyone else, not LIKE everyone else, but just, happy...i want that life for once, it's been so long.
i'm done now, go back to your lives, nevermind me.