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randomdent

Member Since 2002

Followers 34 Following 24

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Sunday Oct 27, 2002

Oct 27, 2002
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For Halloween I'm going to be a sexy sexy goth girl and then all of you will want a piece of this ^CircuiT^ ass hahahahaaaa.

Now that thats out of the way I can talk about more important things.

There are four things I don't really ever talk about but I guess ill get them out of the way right now.
1. My realationship Katie.
2. My home life.
3. The fact that I some times cut my arm in to chunks.
4. My depression.

Well me and kate first meet each other when we where just 14 years old, not soon after we started dating. Next thing I know we are both 19 and we had been dating for 5 years and we had been living together in are apartment for 2 years so to say the least we where connected at the hips you might say and since we both came from bad familys in a way we were each others family. Around are fouth year dating I guess she started to fall out of love with me and she didn't want to tell so due to the fact that she didn't want to hurt me but after about a year of having to be around/live with/ sleep with someone you not longer love she started to hate me. Let me remind you that this is all going on without me knowing a thing until one night she snaped and tryed to kill me in my sleep by cutting open my wrists and runing out of are place with the phone and leave me to die....Well that was that....I'm sure you can understand that I have major trust issues now.

Well my home life growing up I was locked in a closet for countless hours, beatin.....etc. I don't want to say anything more on this subject...

I try really hard not to cut myself and there have been times that I have gone 6 months or so without even thinking about it but then again sometime I do it alot. I blame it on my depressiong because for me to blame anything on myself would be way to health of a thing to do for someone like me.

As for the depression....Well.....I have told that I suffered from depression at age 11 and I have try ever type of medication on the market and nothing will help me. I have came to terms with it in a way. I now accecpt the fact that not everyone will be happy and being sad and depressed is who I am. I know that to seem people this might sound really sad saying things like this but coming to terms with who you really does feel good in a way.

I think thats all I have to say for now....

[EOF]
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
psmith:
ohh I like sexy goth girls. Maybe i will go as a goth girl too.
Oct 27, 2002
jora:
Jesus, I've snapped before too, but all I did was throw a chair in the general direction of the guy. I can't imagine doing anything physically harmful to someone that I had ever had feelings for.

I too was abused by family members. It's taken a lot of work for me to stop actively destroying myself. I wallow in depression a lot (especially lately) and I don't want to try any drugs. I'm afraid that they will change who I am. I used drugs/alcohol to try to cope with my pain for 11 years and have been sober for 7+ years now. Not that I'm not tempted sometimes to use again, but that is only because of my lack of coping skills these days. I know in my heart that it won't help, and sometimes that's the only thing that stops me.

You do sound strong, if that's any concellation. I guess those that are abused have to be. We have no choice, if we want any kind of functional life.

I know you don't know who the hell I am, but if you ever need to talk, I'm here. The best email to reach me is at Maiden30@aol.com I check it about once a day.

Hugs back to you.
Oct 28, 2002

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